Depends on How I Look at It

Birthday    #6

I talked to a friend recently--for an hour or so.  She sent flowers on the 2nd and I called to thank her.  She understood a lot of my feelings.  She is missing one of her sons too.  She understood how I was relieved when the 2nd was over--that it had been looming for weeks. 
But this past week I was thinking how she was lucky.  She only had one day that was significant on the calendar.  Her son's birth and death were the same day.  She didn't have to decide how to think and feel  on 2 separate days.

I was wrong.  It isn't worse to have 2 days to commemorate.  It's better.  I have 16 (counting the day Ian was born) birthdays to look back at, and there are special memories with each one.  There is joy in all those memories.  The only memory my friend has that includes her son is the traumatic day when all went so horribly wrong.

I have the memory of Keith singing to Ian just a few minutes after he was born.  I have the memory of the rash that shows on the 1st birthday photos, because we thought guacamole was okay for a baby.  I remember baking a cake that looked exactly like clown--the loved musical toy.  I remember the pool party back in CA at Papa's house.  There was a baseball party in the club house of our apartment complex;  a Captain Hook pirate-ship cake;  a Superhero parade that marched down our street.  I remember the rock and roll party with the karaoke machine and the make-your-pizza party.  There was the movie and dinner out year with only 2 friends;  There was the billiards at a pool hall year.

I remember the year we got satellite TV for Ian for his birthday and the year Keith said he needed video games.  We did birthdays  right.  We never knew when there wouldn't be another one.  Now we know.  I'm glad we have two days--only one of them is horrible;  the other is bitter and sweet.