Pet Peeve

3 words that should never go together: 
I'm sorry but. . .
They infuriate me.  They are like justifying the bad act that needs apologizing for in the middle of the apology.
Uhhh.

Runner-up.
I'm sorry that you. . .
Why do people apologize for how others feel instead of what they've done?

Quick to Observe

It's been 11 years since my grandmother died.  I remember because Mikey was just learning to walk.  He flew to Utah on my lap for her funeral.  I was so lucky to have a grandma live to be 97.  She taught me so much.

Being an only child, my dad had to decide what to do with all of her things.  I have several pieces of her jewelry and clothes.  One thing my dad shocked me with was giving her scriptures to Lucy.  I don't know how long after her death it was--a year or 2 maybe, but even so Lucy would've only be 5 or 6 at the most.  Grandma had large print, leather scriptures in a zippered case.  My dad wrote in the front that he wanted Lucy to have them because like Mormon, she was a "sober child."  (Mormon 1:2.)

I've always thought of dad and grandma when reading that scripture ever since.  Recently I heard a knew take on the verse.  I listened to a talk by Elder Bednar on a Sunday morning before church.  He was referencing another old apostle's talk.  This time it was Marvin J. Ashton speaking on unique spiritual gifts.  He listed off several including the ability to weep.  Mikey said he has that one.  Anyway, Elder Bednar riffed on the idea with the verse from Mormon.  He focused on being "quick to observe."  He had really cool insights.  He talked about how observe has 2 meanings:  to see and to obey.  You can observe events, but you can also observe commandments.  He explained how we need to be quick with both.  We need to see and recognize the needs of others and what the Holy Ghost is telling us and we need to be quick to do what we are told to do.

2 And about the time that Ammaron hid up the records unto the Lord, he came unto me, (I being about ten years of age, and I began to be learned somewhat after the manner of the learning of my people) and Ammaron said unto me: I perceive that thou art a sober child, and art quick to observe;

He shared a story I remember hearing before.

Sister Bednar and I are acquainted with a returned missionary who had dated a special young woman for a period of time. This young man cared for the young woman very much, and he was desirous of making his relationship with her more serious. He was considering and hoping for engagement and marriage. Now this relationship was developing during the time that President Hinckley counseled the Relief Society sisters and young women of the Church to wear only one earring in each ear.
The young man waited patiently over a period of time for the young woman to remove her extra earrings, but she did not take them out. This was a valuable piece of information for this young man, and he felt unsettled about her nonresponsiveness to a prophet’s pleading. For this and other reasons, he ultimately stopped dating the young woman, because he was looking for an eternal companion who had the courage to promptly and quietly obey the counsel of the prophet in all things and at all times. The young man was quick to observe that the young woman was not quick to observe.
Now before I continue, I presume that some of you might have difficulty with my last example. In fact, this particular illustration of the young man being quick to observe may even fan the flames of controversy on campus, resulting in letters of disagreement to the Daily Universe! You may believe the young man was too judgmental or that basing an eternally important decision, even in part, upon such a supposedly minor issue is silly or fanatical. Perhaps you are bothered because the example focuses upon a young woman who failed to respond to prophetic counsel instead of upon a young man. I simply invite you to consider and ponder the power of being quick to observe and what was actually observed in the case I just described. The issue was not earrings!

He said the gift of being quick to observe precedes the gift of discernment.

Let me now address the question of why the spiritual gift of being quick to observe is so vital for us in the world in which we do now and will yet live. Simply stated, being quick to observe is an antecedent to and is linked with the spiritual gift of discernment. And for you and for me, discernment is a light of protection and direction in a world that grows increasingly dark.
Much like faith precedes the miracle, much like baptism by water comes before the baptism by fire, much like gospel milk should be digested before gospel meat, much like clean hands can lead to a pure heart, and much like the ordinances of the Aaronic Priesthood are necessary before a person can receive the higher ordinances of the Melchizedek Priesthood, so being quick to observe is a prerequisite to and a preparation for the gift of discernment. We can only hope to obtain that supernal gift of discernment and its light of protection and direction if we are quick to observe—if we both look and obey.

One of the best things he said was a quote from Elder Packer. 

“If all you know is what you see with your natural eyes and hear with your natural ears, then you will not know very much.”

I printed it out and framed it for Mikey when he got the priesthood.  (Packer is Mikey's favorite apostle.)

I need to work on this gift.  Sometimes I get impressions.  Sometimes I understand them.  Sometimes I act.  I may have the sober part mastered--at least my kids think I'm serious too much of the time.  It would be great if I could feel that I was quick to observe.  I think I own this scripture now.  I don't think I earned it or inherited it.  It wasn't given to me personally.  Maybe this is one I acquired by theft.  I took Elder Bednar's insight and made it my own--completely unbeknownst to him.

Here's the link to the talk.  It's worth the read.

Western Day

It was western day at Safeway today.  Keith was so excited to wear his cowboy hat and boots.  He even pulled out the Wranglers.  They aren't my favorite thing--to say the least.

When we moved to Texas, one of the first things He did was take the kids to Justin and buy them hats and boots.  Lucy even had a cowgirl birthday party.

Aren't they adorable? 

Good memory.

Father's Day Talk

It’s great that we have the family proclamation to help us know exactly what our roles are in the family. 

It says:  The father’s role is to preside over the family in love and righteousness;  to be responsible to responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection.

In the Book of Mormon, Lehi is a father providing for his family;  protecting them; and presiding over them.  The Lord wants to help Lehi continue to do that and he leads and teaches him line upon line with  a very interesting order of things.

The first thing we know is that the Lord has him flee Jerusalem, thus protecting his and his family’s lives.  The next chapter or 2 mention commandments several times and being obedient to them.  Rebellion to them is also discussed with the consequences laid out.  At that point Lehi is told that he needs the brass plates which contain the commandments.  So he sends his sons to get them.  He needs the laws of God that are written on those plates in order to be able to preside over his family in righteousness.

When Nephi and his brothers return with the plates, Lehi reads their geneology and lineage.  Then he begins to prophecy about his own seed.  This prepares him for God to tell him how to accomplish having any seed.  He sends his sons back again.  This time for wives.  He sees (or is shown) a need his family has and is responsible to provide that necessity of life.

Throughout all this, he is dealing with, at various times a complaining wife and murmuring sons to put it mildly.  When finally they are all together again, Lehi is thankful and they make offerings to the Lord their God.

To me,  the next thing that happens shows God’s amazing way of teaching and timing.

In 1Neph 8:1  it reads:

 1 And it came to pass that we had gathered together all manner of seeds of every kind, both of grain of every kind, and also of the seeds of fruit of every kind.They are going about gathering all the seeds of the things there are to eat.  They are preparing to plant trees of all kinds and  someday harvest fruit.  That’s what is going on when Lehi is given the vision of the Tree of Life.  Context is everything with God’s symbolic lessons.

To me Lehis’s vision is telling him,  “Oh, by the way, there’s one tree, one fruit that’s a little different.  That is planted and cared for and harvested in another way.  That’s my tree.  On that tree, there’s fruit of My love and it’s the best, most beautiful desirable fruit of all.”

Lehi is shown the tree.  He samples the fruit and feels the joy that comes from it.  And because he’s a father and it his job to preside over his family in love,  his very first thought is his family.

Verse 12 says:

And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit.

Lehi was a great dad.  In fact, that’s the first thing Nephi tells us about him back in Chapter 1.

Coulda Shoulda

Looked at new cars today.
Well, used new cars.
Yeah, my van died.
It's cause of death was "multi-system organ failure."
It's been ailing from so many things for quite awhile.
There were signs of the approaching doom.  I saw some of them.  Actually I saw all of them.  I just didn't understand what they meant.
When it was over,  I felt duped again.  Like I was warned, prompted and didn't respond.    I thought the car smelled funny and seemed  hot when I got out for a few days before.  Shouldn't a light come on to tell you you're out of coolant?  Shouldn't the temperature gauge go up?  The engine light had come on a few weeks prior, but had subsequently gone off.
I thought the smell was because I just had an oil change and there was new oil to  leak on everything.  I knew there were leaks.  I knew there were many different kinds of leaks.  I knew the a/c wasn't at it's best.  In fact, I removed the cabin air filter to help move more air through the vents.
I knew the anti lock brakes were gone, even though that light had since gone off too.  I was used to watching the odometer because the gas gauge was broken.  But hey, even the mechanic told me not to bother fixing that.

This may not be clear to anyone else, but to me, it was just a reminder.  Deja-vu.
It made me think of all the things I couldn't or just didn't fix on my wonderful son.  I saw things.  I tried.  I took him to the experts, but in the end, I missed things.  I didn't understand things.  And then it was too late.

My car being dead is inconvenient.  It's expensive to replace.  But the worst part of it is being reminded that my son is gone and can never be replaced.

I cried today when I finally got the nerve to tell Keith why I wanted another minivan.  I don't want to stop being the mom who lives to shuttle her kids around.  I'm proud that that's who I am.  And,  I only have a very short 6 more years of being that person.  I know that sounds really stupid,  but it isn't.

We are probably selling the "Rugged Montana" to a junkyard for scrap.  My plan was to go out this afternoon and take the vinyl lettering off the back window.  I don't want it to be crushed while it still says,  "My heart will always beat for Ian's team."

I couldn't do it.  Maybe Monday.

Upright and Alive

My sister-in-law Sheila is one of the best-hearted people I know.  No matter what I asked of her, she would do it.  I love her.

Now to the point.  She likes to talk.  Wow, can she talk.  She called on Mikey's birthday to tell him she'd bought him a really cool present and lost it,  so it would be in the mail when she found it.  She gave me the run down on each of her five kids.  It took about 10 minutes for each one, listing  all of the struggles--none of which seem too terrible to me.   2 are engaged, 3 are in college. 
Joe has quit law school to go to film school.  Yes, he already has a BA in film.  He isn't passionate about the law and having a lot of money won't make him happy.  All I could say was I would like to try it out and see.

At the end of a really long monologue  (yes,  I'm glad she calls and enjoy listening most of the time)  she said,  "Well, at least they are all upright and alive."  Yes, that's a direct quote.
I countered with,  "That beats the alternative."
I  got off the phone and cried.
I hope I didn't make her feel too bad.

He Never Disappoints

I heard a great talk  today.  President Pond's talks are always great.  I love him.
He titled the talk Feel Where You  Kneel--a prequel to Elder Uchtdorf's  Lift Where You Stand.  He said before we  spiritually lift we must kneel.  He spoke about the places he was when he got answers--the memories of those places, those times.  There were some good ones.
He encouraged us to do the same.  He said when we have special spiritual experiences we need to:
1  Remember it.
2  Write it down.
3  Retell it to our children or friends if it is appropriate.
4  Reacquire--get that feeling, that peace again and build on it.

Today I will remember 3 experiences and record them the best I can.


I was on the creaky metal bottom bunk in a tiny apartment in Hong Kong with a gorgeous view of the harbor out my window when I received an answer about marrying Keith.  I know, I know, why was I praying about that on my mission?  Because it was important, that's why.
I remember him asking about my answer and describing it to him as just not being able to quit smiling, even while I was praying, before I opened my eyes.
We were sitting in Keith's little black GEO Storm under a shade tree outside the Oakland temple when I told him we couldn't come back any more until we changed our time frame on having a baby.  It was Ian's time to come to earth.  I didn't know at the time how critical his timing would be to have the right medical procedures in place to keep him with us.

I was at youth conference at BYU when I was told that the only way I could make the voice in my head  (yes, I know how that sounds, but there's no other way to describe it) stop telling me that the wasn't a God.  I knew--knew if I got the nerve to stand and bear witness that there was a God in heaven, that I would finally have peace.  That time--weeks or months was so frightening to me I haven't ever really told anyone about it.  Maybe Keith, I don't remember.  I can't imagine why I didn't tell my parents and get some help.

There are many things in my life, big things, I don't remember praying about.  There are things I did pray about and the answer came directly from the scriptures.  Maybe I'm a words not feelings kind of person.   I don't know.

These days I pray less frequently than I should.  It's still hard.  I think I can feel that prayers from others have subsided.  I don't feel carried anymore.   I'm sure they are carrying others.

PE means Physical

Lucy didn't believe me when I told her we would be exercising every day all summer.  I need it.  We all need it.  The first week down.

We rode our bikes 3 days--one of which Keith was home for.  We rode our bikes to go vote.  We went up and down the bleachers at the high school one day.  We ran the track one day.

Through the fussing and complaining and attitude,  we did it.
It actually made me feel good.  I loved it.
Today Keith wanted to go to the driving range.  Super.  More exercise.
I swung his driver about 10 or so times, then switched to an iron.  On the very first swing I felt electricity run though my back.  One more swing and I was finished.
I can hardly walk.  I can hardly sit.

Exercise this week will be tricky.  All good plans get complicated by something.

All things point to the temple

After all the years posing for photos outside the various temples;  After all the lessons, the  prayers, the family home evenings;  After descriptions and explanations and  promises of how great it will  be to go inside,  We finally got to do it.

We got to take Mikey to the temple. 

He wanted Lucy to come too. 

So the 4 of us--the 5 of us--all got to be in the temple together.  All in white.  All feeling the peace and comfort and blessings God has for us.  Mikey was so excited.  His face was just aglow.  He asked the workers lots of questions.  He smiled.  He wanted to do more work for more people.  He got to walk around the oxen that hold up the font.  Keith explained to him all about them. 

 

He was baptized for men from Hungary, Germany, Ireland, Great Britain.  Some of them had been waiting 400 years.  The water came up to his shoulders.  It was a proud day.  I can't wait to take him back in 7 years and see him make more promises and prepare to serve the Lord in even greater ways.

I was baptized too.  Sometimes I take for granted how lucky I am to have a man like Keith who has always been able to do things like that.  Strong, Stalwart, Worthy.

I'm confident it's a memory we can all keep forever.

1st Job Interview in 2 decades

Wow.
Times have really changed.
I had an interview to work in the library downtown.  That's the pseudo-scary  part of Stockton.  It would never be dull. 
I love to read.  I love books.  I need some time out of the house.  It seems perfect.

She didn't ask me any questions--no job experience, no education, no availability, nothing.  I sat there for 15 minutes while she told me how hard the job would be.  Maybe I'm the most naive  person in the world, but how hard can shelving books be.  I won't be at the circulation desk;  I won't have to collect fines or refuse people the privilege of taking books home.  For 3 hours, a few days a week, how hard could it be?

Maybe I'll get the chance to find out.  Maybe not.  At least I now know I can alphabetize and follow the Dewey Decimal System--yes, she gave me a test.

It would be amazing if I got the first job I applied for after this long, even if it is a little one.  It would be a start.  It would be added purpose.

We'll see.

2 Future Mission Comps

Mikey got the Aaronic Priesthood today.

Hunter was there with him. 

It was a good day.

GGB --No, that isn't an expletive

Golden Gate Bridge

Weston Ward Youth who rode across it on bikes

The guy who wanted to give them an adventure they would never forget



Happy Day

Crazy boy turns 12.

No, this photo isn't today.  It was a blackberry picking day last summer and he thought it would be fun to mess himself up.  Maybe next week I'll download some of the recent photos so I can use them.

I love him.