Leap Day

Keith says everyone should get today off.  It's an extra day after all.  I agree.  It should be a bonus--do whatever you feel like day.   The kids have always said it would be great to be born on leap day.  I don't think so.

At this time in my life I'm not exactly thrilled with bonus days.  I'd like all the days to be over.  Most of them are miserable anyway. 

My bonus day would be with Ian.  We'd get apple fritters for breakfast;  Big Macs for lunch with extra fries and lots of root beer.  We spend part of the day at the movie theater.  We definitely go to the comic book store and I'd let him drive.  It hurts to wonder if he would've outgrown comic books by now, but I know he would still want to go to the movies.  We'd go to the Harley Davidson store and pick out our dream hog.  Maybe we'd catch a flight to Florida to watch the Sox spring training and then have snacks at 3 or 4 different restaurants for dinner.  He'd buy souvenirs that make me shake my head, along with witty T-shirts and something with his name on it.  We'd stay in a hotel with a pool and I'd even let him go back and forth between the hot tub and the pool--because in my fantasy day, we wouldn't have to worry about what that might do to his heart.

You know, at this point, one bonus day with my son every 4 years sounds pretty damn good.

"Write What You Know"

Why does God tell us to do things that only He knows we could ever actually accomplish?  It seems like kind of a trick to me--kinda like the guy who was lucky enough to be given one talent.  He is so protective of the gift that he hides it to make sure he doesn't lose it and have it inadvertently stolen.  At least that's how I see it.  He didn't maliciously or lazily bury it.  He just wanted to make sure nothing ever happened to it.  I know that's probably the wrong interpretation--of course it is,  I've read the story dozens of times.  He was supposed to invest it.  Is it just the time I've grown up in that makes me think investments are so risky?  What if it was the only thing of worth he ever got and he didn't safeguard it?  It's kinda like getting a family heirloom, a necklace or a fancy tablecloth or something.  Would you want to set your table and eat on a lace cover that was your great-grandmother's or would you keep it stored in tissue under the bed?

This is a long drawn out introduction to why my scriptures look like they do in this photo.  God has given me some really powerful insights into the scriptures;  more specifically how to ask Him questions and get answers.  I have written the references all in one spot--Doctrine and Covenants Section 4.  I've also been given very specific counsel that I am to be a writer--that I should have that as my "career"--that what I write will be directed.

Huh!  I can't do it.

How can I write about something that I think I know so very much about, but that I don't live? 

Why would anyone listen or be influenced by me?  I'm not anybody.  Besides, what if I'm wrong?  I wouldn't even want to let anyone know if I was attempting to try, because then they would know when I failed.

I could write a great essay on how to waste time or how to bash other people or how to be afraid of everyone and everything.  I live those things.

I feel totally and completely useless.  I sleep.  I eat--too much of both  I'm afraid.  I complete the tasks that I have to.  I bawl.

This is why there haven't been many posts this month.

Guilty on all Charges

That's Lucy to the right of his thumb.

Our girl Lucy is going to the California State Mock Trial Competition.  Venture won the county meet on Saturday.  Lucy was a good witness for both the defense and the prosecution.  I have to say, I was more fond of the basketball playing, resident assistant, than the partier, but she played both parts well.  During the scrimmages early in the season, she was a pretrial attorney, but left that role for the more experienced senior when it came down to the final win or lose.  Next year, she'll be the only one with any practice doing that and will probably lead the team.
In fact, most of the team will graduate.  Of those who actually competed, there were only 3 who weren't seniors.  Pretty impressive, huh?

She also got recruited last week to apply to Stanford's high school program.  They mentioned  financial aid etc.  I guess I should believe her that her PSAT scores really were that impressive.  She's a good girl.  I worry anyway.  I'm a mom.

Memory

Time travel would be so great!

"We Are Not Cat People"*

My family is so witty.  I'm proud that we are able to entertain ourselves without the help of any electronic devices.  Yesterday we went up to the foothills to spend the day.  Lucy was at a retreat for mock trial and we had to pick her up at the camp at 9pm.  Yes, I know that's an interesting time.  I picked it.  The group was staying until today at noon, but Lucy needed to be home for the Sabbath.  I thought I was a pretty mom to say I would pick her up so late, especially since it was nearly 2 hours from home.

Keith, Mikey and I packed a picnic and left home to arrive in the mountains around lunchtime.  There were a couple of really neat towns with an old main street that we could explore.  We started at an old church with a cemetery surrounding it.  Turns out it was the first Serbian Orthodox church in the United States.  I've never seen fancier graves and tombstones.  It was a cool discovery.  From there we went to a "Used and Rare Bookstore."  That took a good hour and then we browsed a kitchen store had a microwave potato chip maker we were interested in.  There were 5 or 6 antique shops too.  Mikey is fun to hang out with.  He doesn't whine and likes to look at everything.  I got him candy cigarettes at the candy shop.  Keith wasn't thrilled, but I thought they were so fun when I was a kid.

Next we went to the Black Chasm.  A vertical cave.  They a awesome.  Apparently it has features that only 5% of all caves in the world have.  Lucy wouldn't want to go in a cave, so that worked out well.  We had our lunch there too.  We wanted to see the Indian casino in the area, just to see how big and fancy it was.  That was a bust.  We couldn't get close without paying to park.  Oh well, it's not like we were counting on winning at the slots.

So now we come to the part of the day that I think is what I will remember the longest.  At about 7 o'clock we had done everything we could do to fill the day.  It was dark and most everything was closed.  We had eaten a marginal dinner at a local restaurant and we were left to our own imaginations.  We parked the van outside a cafe where there were street lights and sat in the car for the next hour and forty-five minutes.  We started with the animal game--naming animals, as many as we could, in alphabetical order or not.  At one point we named all the kinds of monkeys we could think of.

"Let's do the cat family,"  I said.  We started with cougar and lion; puma, panther, cheetah, leopard, mountain lion, bobcat, lynx, tiger.  Then we got tabby, calico, tom, Siamese, Manx?--the one without the tail.  There was Cheshire and a few more.  Then it got really fun.  I said "____in the hat."

Here are some of the responses:
____got your tongue
____sup
____cher in the rye
curiosity killed the____
KIT____
____on a hot tin roof
____o-nine tails
____amaran
____illac
____nip
____nap
____erpillar
____alogue
____aletic converter
____'s cradle
____scan
____'s meow
____woman
____acomb
____apult

It just kept going and going.  I'm sure there were more that I can't remember.  We were laughing.  Anytime we do something like that, I think about how people must have used games like that a hundred years ago to keep themselves amused.   I think I'd probably be a good Amish person.  I'm so easily entertained.  Anyway, we passed the time.  Lucy got to stay pretty late and we we together---4/5 of us anyway.  Speaking of,  I think Ian would've  liked the game.  He has such a clever wit.

*a phrase Keith taught Ian to say before almost anything else

Choice and Accountability

Okay, I'm going to date myself here.  I used to love the show  Truth or Conseqences when I was a kid.  Bob Barker was the host--long before  Price is Right.  I think it was even in black and white.

My favorite game was when the contestants would be sent to their home towns to find people who shared their names with someone famous.  They would bring back all the people they found and introduce them on the show.  I forget the specifics of other sketches, but I remember it was hysterical.

It's the title of the show that I'm thinking about today--especially the consequences part.  I got a good lesson in consequences for my actions this week  that made my Valentine's Day pretty expensive.  In fact, I think I'm going to use my experience as a teaching tool in young women's under the value of  "Choice and Accountability."

I offered to drive an older woman in our ward to the hospital to visit someone in the hospital.  I needed to go and make a visit of my own, so why not go together and save her the multiple bus transfers and the time?  It was a hectic day, but I found the time and picked her up.  We got there and I decided to park in a lot where I knew I was not supposed to park.  It's posted.  We took in a smiley face balloon and a card and had a fairly good visit, despite the fact that when we got there, our friend was completely covered--over her head and tucked in all the way around--a little scary.  We didn't stay very long, about 30 minutes, start to finish.  When we got back to the lot, my rugged Montana with super hero symbols on it was nowhere to be found.
Towed.
There we are: me and a 75 year old with no way to get home.  I called the number on the sign that I should've heeded and found that the yard was about 5 blocks away.  As Shirley and I were discussing the option of her waiting on the bus bench while I walked there and back, the guy who called the tow-truck came over and offered us a ride.  He got us there and you'd think the story would end there but, NOOOOO.
I'm not on the registration--only Keith.  That's a great story.  When Keith bought me the van, as a Mother's Day gift, we had all 3 kids with us.  It was fun, to say the least.  Lucy fell in an ant bed--a red, mean, biting, ant bed, and then while we were finishing the paperwork, she shut Mikey's hand in the door of one of the models on the showroom floor.  Hence, I was off with my 2 year old when the signing happened.

Okay, back to this story.  Since I was not the registered owner of the car,  did I have proof if insurance maybe that would have my name on it?  Sure.  I walked back over to the car and produced it.  Oh good he said,  you can get it,  BUT,  since you aren't the registered owner, it will have to be cash.  No credit cards.  $275.00 CASH.
I'm in a really not good neighborhood with a senior citizen and no ATMs to be found.  I had to call a friend to come get us, take me to an ATM and then bring us back.  She said was would come.  YAH!
Nope.  Still not over.  She called to say she couldn't find the street, at which point  my cell phone went dead.
I got out enough that she found us and we went and got the cash. 
We got back with time to spare before they closed and I had to produce the documents again with my driver's licence for him to make copies and then he just said thank you, you can go.  Well everyone knows you can't get $275 from an ATM--I handed him $280.  He made me ask for my change.  It was quite a day to say the least.
It was a poor choice.  With consequences.  Consequences I thought somehow wouldn't apply to me. 

Choice and Accountability.

Scripture that I Own

Here's another scripture that I feel I own.  I didn't acquire in the same way as some of the others.  This scripture isn't one that I earned through my own study.  It's not one I inherited from a family member.  This one is a gift from a friend and given in a very unusual way.  In fact,  she doesn't know she gave it to me.

Alma 18:35
35 And a portion of that Spirit dwelleth in me, which giveth me knowledge, and also power according to my faith and desires which are in God.

Probably 3 or more years ago I heard someone say a prayer and ask for a  "portion of the Spirit."   I don't think I had ever heard it expressed that way before, but I loved it.  That language supposes that there is plenty to go and can be divvied up.  It almost makes me think of the 'recommended daily allowance' on food packaging. 

I've been taught all my life that the reason the Holy Ghost doesn't have a body is so that we can feel his influence in our minds and our hearts and so that he can influence God's children all over the place.  So the term portion is perfect.  It's my little helping.  Or giant helping--after a fast.  Or the perfect complement to a beautiful song.  It's just super imagery to me.

I didn't know the phrase was scriptural at the time.  I just knew I liked it.  I've never forgotten it.  Since that time the woman has become a friend of mine.  Her name is Jane Holiday.  She's pretty wise.  When I read this verse and a few others which also include the unique phrase, I think of her and her prayer.  It's kind of great to have a personal connection to words of a prophet from many centuries ago.

Always Something to Learn

I had good experiences 2 weekends ago.  I got to hear a great choir sing about Jesus in a way I don't usually get to.  I got to hear an unusual testimony borne by Gladys Knight--the choir director.  I got to sit 30 feet from another apostle--Elder Jeffery R. Holland.  I got to take a person who didn't know anything about our church and try to be an example of what I believe.  With all the pomp of it and all the murmuring I did beforehand about the fuss being paid to the famous singer, I have to admit I had tears on my  cheeks when she sang the simplest of all songs:  "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so."

In this glorious world, we are supposed to believe that we all matter the same amount, that the same attention is given to each of our prayers and that our life circumstances don't determine God's love for us.  While I believe that whole-heartedly in theory,  I have a hard time staying converted to it in practical life.  I feel guilty though, somehow for even expressing the thought.  It means my faith is weak.  It means I don't trust.  It means my eye isn't singly focused on the things of God.  It means I believe God thinks Gladys Knight is more important in the kingdom than I am.  (My belief, not God's.)

Last week we also read 1Nephi chapter 17.  The chapter with the electric current and the bountiful land of fruit and the start of the ship building.  I heard something different though.  I really paid attention to the explanation of the Israelites getting led by Moses and why things went the way they did for them.  Nephi is trying to tell his brothers why the Israelites got to boot out the people who were already in the land of  promise and take it over.

 32:  And after they had crossed the river Jordan (so it's Joshua leading them at this point) he did make them mighty unto the driving out of the children of the land, yea, unto the scattering them to destruction. 
33:  And now, do ye suppose that the children of this land, who were in the land of promise, who were driven out by our fathers, do ye suppose that they were righteous?  Behold, I say unto you, Nay. 
34:  Do ye suppose that our fathers would have been more choice than they if they had been righteous:  I say unto you, Nay. 
35  Behold, the Lord esteemeth all flesh in one;  he that is righteous is favored of God. 
Then skip to verse 40  And he loveth those who will have him to be their God.

I'm confusing some very important differences in my thinking.  God doesn't play favorites.  He doesn't have pets.  He doesn't make things work out for some and not for others--at least not in the way my mortal mind can understand.  He favors the righteous;  He loves those who allow Him to be their God;  He has noble and great ones who  earn that distinction through their dedicated service to Him.  I can't say knowing that makes me feel better, but it's still true.  I can say I liked life better when I felt that my son was so important to God that He kept sending miracles to keep him here.

Not a Conversation I have Everyday

Any of this going on in the spirit world?

Today Mikey asked me why Ian died .  "Do we know?"  "Is it a mystery?"  "Did he get to choose?"  It was quite a conversation.  It makes me wonder.  What would I choose?  Do I know enough to make an informed choice?  Am I awful if I don't know that I would beg to stay here?

I read Heaven is for Real this week about a 3 year old who describes heaven from his apparent visit there.  It may be  the reason I am not having the easiest week.  It's a good book.  I liked it.  It was just too close and had a happy ending--and was described as a string of miracles and limitless faith. 

In my scripture reading the last several days I've underlined every time it mentions God's will in one way or another.  There's a lot of highlighting.  My favorite is,  "as seemeth Me good."  Like it or not, choice or not,  God's will is the determining factor in all things (almost all).

Groundhog Day

Today is Groundhog Day.  6 more weeks of winter.  Funny, seeing how winter hasn't really started yet.  I saw the Punxutaunney Phil Hoopla on the news this morning.  It reminded me of the movie Groundhog Day with Bill M:urray and Andie McDowell.  I love the movie.

I wish I could have a Groundhog day like in the movie.  I know the day I would pick.  It would be the Sunday Ian swelled up like a blueberry.  I would have taken him to the hospital, not called some on-call doctor who didn't know him and said to give him allergy medicine and watch him.  Or maybe the day I thought wow, he's getting too thin--I should stop the extra lasix.  Maybe the day I told Keith to go ahead and go to Oregon and took Ian to yet another doctor he didn't know.

It would be good if I knew which day I didn't get right.  It would be good to have another chance or 50 like Bill Murray.  I remember the song that woke his character every morning every day too.  "I Got You Babe." 

Wish I still had mine.