Citing the Source

I heard something on the radio today that made me so sad.  It was a political debate about Obamacare and I don't even know who the host was because he was just a fill-in for somebody else.  He was going on and on about how terrible it was that congress has now exempted their own staffs from participating in the vast chaos we all see coming toward us like a freight train.

Not that the whole healthcare/Obamacare issue isn't sad enough, but the guy quoted Abraham Lincoln to make his point.  He said, "We need to consider what Lincoln said--A house divided against itself cannot stand."  AAAuuugh.

Lincoln?  Lincoln is who he attributes that statement to?  Okay, so, Lincoln gave a famous speech about the future of slavery where he co-opted that phrase, but those words belong to Jesus.  What has happened to our  country?  What has happened to the Judeo-Christian make-up of our country?  What has happened to people reading the Bible? What has happened to people caring what Jesus said?  I can't believe it.

I'm a lover of Lincoln.  He's been a hero of mine since I was a kid, but even he isn't a great enough guy to get credit for Jesus' words.

Lead me

I've been working on memorizing hymns the past few weeks and it's been really hard--I always tend to make things harder than they need to be.  I picked 2 hymns that I wasn't super familiar with (would it be a challenge if I already knew all the words?) but that had words that really meant something to me.  The first one was "Go Forth with Faith" and the second, which I 'm going to write about is "Lead Kindly Light."

Here are the lyrics.  I adjusted some of the meter for my own better understanding.  I also added  my commentary in red. Some words I  had to look up to get the full affect.

Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom; The Light is the Savior; gloom is all the bad things in the world. 
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; This isn't really our home,
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet;
I do not ask to see the distant scene--
one step enough for me. I need to trust that it's okay for me to not be in charge; Somebody else has a better grasp on my own 'big picture' and I need to accept that. In other words: have faith and be meek and submissive

I was not ever thus,
nor pray'd that thou shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path;
but now, lead thou me on! Again, I'm stubborn and like to make my own decisions--not always consulting with my Heavenly Father or considering consequences.

I loved the garish day, Garish means showy
And, spite of fears, pride ruled my will. Wanting to be seen by men as intelligent, important or someone to be admired--putting worldly accolades before spiritual things.
remember not past years. Please forgive me and help me. 

So long thy pow'r hath blest me,
sure it still will lead me on  You haven't let me down thus far and I know you never will 
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, Through the swamp and bog and cliff and rushing water
till the night is gone. 'til I'm finished with all the tests and trials of life
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile! When I'm done and with all those I love-- even the ones I haven't seen for a long time,  we'll be happy.



It's a beautiful hymn and it means so much to me. I'm really glad I chose it, even if it was hard to memorize. One of the scriptures that goes with it is Psalms 119:133-135.

133 Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.
134 Deliver me from the oppression of man: so will I keep thy precepts.
135 Make thy face to shine upon thy servant; and teach me thy statutes.

Good Scripture too.

I decided to write my own version of the hymn.  It's not as poetic, but it's mine.

Savior, please take my hand,
Show me the way.
I'm weak and scared and sometimes stubborn,
Show me the way
I know that I'm just one grain of sand to Him--
And yet, I am His child.
My neck is stiff, my heart is stony
Could you show me the way?

Lord, please teach me how to feel
Show me the way
I'm small and simple but I like to be in control
Show me the way.
I try to lean on my own understanding--
Be in charge of my own destiny or fate
I'm wrong.
Forgive me, and light the way.

Master, please open my eyes
Show me the way
It's hard to bow my will to thine
Yet please show me the way
I'm not always inclined, sometimes compelled
I need to be still and let you be my God
and trust that my soul is of great worth
I beg, please mark the way.

Brother, help me endure it well
Show me the way
I know it's but a moment.  Still-
Show me the way
I want to recognize Your voice and follow
I'll try not to tell You what to say--what I want to hear;
Just listen to my shepherd
I know You are the Way.

Prayer Lessons

Here's an interesting book review:

Read this non-lds religious book.  It's great.  I highly recommend it.  Of course it 's not all doctrinally correct. That's okay.  It's got a great message and let me tell you what it is. Pray more.  Use your own words. Don't be surprised that  life is so hard  that you need to ask for rely on the Lord;s help--otherwise, how would you grow?  It was such a shock to me that there was a book giving people permission to say what they wanted in their prayers or that people needed a book to tell them.  I'm blessed to have been taught that my entire life.

It is based on an obscure scripture in the Old Testament that I now count as one that I own.  Stole the insight from a man of another faith--Bruce Wilkinson.

1 Chronicles 4:9-10

9 And Jabez was more honourable than his brethren: and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, Because I bare him with sorrow.
10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested.

So, here's the thing:  The first 3 chapters in Chronicles are nothing but genealogy.  A list of son after son after son for 3+ chapters and then it comes to these to verses and the writer stops and takes a breath and is so impressed by the way that Jabez prayed that he has to speak about it and make sure the reader knows that Jabez was honorable, and that God answered his prayers.  That's the premise of the book.

This is the painting that was commissioned for the cover art.  Beautiful huh?

It's been 4 years since I read it.  Bought it at a thrift store on a whim.  I guess it was turned into a series with Bible study journals and special editions just for women etc.  I'm not into that but I did give my copy to a friend to read.  She didn't like/get it.   Next time I see it at a thrift store, I'm going to buy it again.

Peaches, but no Herb

I'm just peachy.
This is what my kitchen looks like.  I did 2 batches of jam tonight and it didn't even make a dent in the first basket.
Tomorrow I think I'll bake pies and make homemade peach ice cream.
By the weekend, they will all be ripe enough to peel.  Ugh.

Thankful for God's Bounty.

Oh yeah, there's just any many plums!

Diamond in the Rough

We had a lesson today which I think was on adversity.  (I was late and missed most of it.)  It was the standard, from what I did hear, you know--Why does God allow bad things to  happen?  Chastening, refiner's fire--we need to learn and get stronger yada yada yada.

One of the example's though, made me think.  A friend was talking about what it takes to turn normal carbon into a diamond and what a treasure a diamond is.  I'm weird, it's a given, but all I could think about was:  " I wonder what it takes to turn something into carbon."

What is carbon made out of?  What did something have to go through to become carbon--the thing that everything is made out of?  With the whole eternal perspective,  carbon isn't the beginning, and a diamond isn't the end.  There is something more basic than carbon and something more beautiful and precious than diamonds.  And if we were to sit down and analyze, is a diamond really more valuable than coal?  Can it heat?  Give off light?  Generate electricity?  What percentage of God's children ever even get to see a diamond?

Then there's the perspective I have of my dad working in the diamond industry.  Industrial diamonds.  He worked for a company that made the drill bits for oil wells--diamond drill bits, that would cut through the core of the earth better and faster than anything else. He had a little one on his key chain for years.

Are those diamonds as special as the ones that have been cut and polished?  They are diamonds.  They aren't still considered carbon.   I remember when he brought home a black diamond.  It just looked like a tiny piece of coal, but perfectly square.  I didn't believe him at first when he said it was a diamond.  And my mom has a diamond hourglass with thousands of dollars worth of diamond dust running through it.  Very sparkly and beautiful, but not considered in the same way as something in a baby blue box from Tiffany's.

I don't know, but I think the point I am getting at is that:   I don't care if I'm carbon now.  Carbon is a really good thing and it came from somewhere.  It didn't start out as carbon.  It went through something already to get where it is, and even if I'm not on my way to the shiny kind of diamond that everyone recognizes as valuable, I am valuable and God sees me that way.  Even if I'm coal, or a drill bit or dust that marks time. Someday I'll see myself the way He sees me--the way He sees all of his obedient children--who are with Him.  Hopefully, I will be white above all that is white and that beats a diamond any day.

Welcome Home Ian

I know I've posted this song before.  It's still the most fitting post to commemorate  today.

Listen on YouTube

Here are the Lyrics:

I can't believe that I'm here having to say goodbye
And I can barely see you through these tears I cry
I close my eyes.

I can hear the sound
As angels gather 'round
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome Home!

There are the days that my heart aches
Wishing  you were here
But I know where you are the hurt and the pain disappear
There's no more tears.

I can hear the sound
As angels gather 'round
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome Home!
Welcome Home!

What  a lovely sound
Angels all around
Saying this is where you belong
Welcome Home
Welcome Home
Welcome Home!

Home

The computer is not really my friend.  This blog is a perfect example.  Several months ago it became impossible for me to insert a photo on this blog without downloading it directly from a phone or linking it from a URL.  I tried  a hundred things to  make it work and couldn't, so I just didn't post anything for weeks. Obviously, I've figured a way around it--I'm not using internet explorer anymore.  It took me months and an interesting problem at work to even think of the idea.

Work is a whole 'nother issue with the computer.  Sometimes I have to call the helpdesk in SLC and have them do the whole land desk management thing to fix whatever I"ve messed up.  I was working on a form this week and couldn't figure out why the numbers I wast inputting kept turning into the number siymbol--I think it's now called a hash tag.  It was an Excel issue and Excel is  new to me.  I don't love computers.  I don't own a tablet or a laptop or even a smartphone.  I don't want a computer applying the breaks for me in my car or tracking my spending habits at Lowe's. I especially don't want to deal with a computerized self-checkout at the grocery store.

Computers do offer have one thing that is very appealing to me.  Any website I'm on or any program I'm using, there's one very special icon I love.  I use it to find my way--to get unlost, unconfused, unmessed up.  It's the home tab.

Life needs a home tab.  I found myself sitting in my family room a couple of months ago, looking at the ceiling telling Heavenly Father I wanted to come home.  In a good way.  In an I miss you way.  In a I'm not doing so good today, could you show me the purpose from the beginning again sort of  way.  Well, not exactly. That makes it sound like a positive experience.  It wasn't.  I was bawling, but then what else is new?  But it wasn't  in a dangerous, all my friends and family should be worried kind of way either.  In computer talk it was a 'save document without all the changes that were just made' moment--a can't we reset to Christmas 2009 and start there again?

I've had that feeling a lot in the past 3 years, yep 3 whole years.  It's a little different having Ian on the other side of the veil.  I just want the end to come.  It wouldn't mess up anybody's plans if the 2nd Coming was today would it?  I don't want just my life to end.  I want the whole stinkin' party to end.  Selfish.  I know. This probably sounds morbid or like I need a shrink.  Oh well.  I'm not going to off myself.  I just like the visual of the little home in the corner of my screen and what it represents to me eternally.