Peace. Be Still.

I've been really stressed and cranky the past few days.  No real reason necessarily.  Work has been challenging with a new boss;  new expectations; and new big evaluations.  But, even though that's where Ive focused my frustration, I don't think that was it.  Young Women's is always a stresser.  Always has been. Always will be.  Sometimes it takes me hours to relax when I get home on  a Tuesday night.  That wasn't it this week either.  Last night I could feel the heaviness--the actual physical heaviness land on my shoulders and in the pit of my stomach and I knew that I'd let myself get overtired and the emptiness was the next feeling that would come.

Today as I said my prayer in the car, I asked for peace.  Just peace.  Not that my project would be easier or that Keith would find the right new job or place to live or even the reassurance that we really are supposed to be in Stockton--that's a common plea--just peace and understanding.  I didn't think much of it.  Just walked inside and sat down to a pile on my desk and got going.

I always turn on Pandora to an LDS worship station while I work, especially when I'm there alone.  I was working along for a couple of hours and right in the middle of something when I heard the words,  "Leave to thy God to order and provide;"

It shocked me, almost literally.  I was facing my desk, not my computer and I turned my chair around and looked at the screen and paused the music. I took a minute to finish what I was doing.  Then I went to the Pandora screen and pushed play.  I tried to make it go back to the first of the song, but I couldn't.  I recognized the tune--Be Still My Soul  but I don't remember ever really listening to the words.  I went in the classroom and got a hymnbook and made a copy of hymn 124, and underlined those few words.

After work I read the whole song.  Wow.  It is really comforting.  Here are the Lyrics:

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on they side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul:  Thy God doth undertake
to guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul:  The wave and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul:  The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul;  When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

It's a happy ending song.  It's a "not in charge" song.  It's a trust song.  It's a peace and understanding song.
I spend too much time "immersed in the three Ws: wearied, worrying, and whining."  (Pres. Uchtdorf, May 2011)  I need to knock it off.  I need to be still.

Right Up There

I have to say last week I watched one of the funnest, most enjoyable things I have ever seen on television.  The only way it could have been better would be if Ian were watching it with me.  He would have been doing the dance-jump and laughing until his eyes watered.  We would've been high-fiving and cheering and watching replays every few minutes.

It was the Boston Red Sox versus the Detroit Tigers.  The game where Big Pappy got his 2000th hit.

The sportscasters kept saying these were the 2 teams to watch for the pennant and I could see why. . .until the 6th inning.  That was when the real fun began. When the bottom of the 6th began the score was 5 to 4.

The Sox scored 8 runs that inning.  I don't remember how many homers that inning, but a couple at least.  They were saying at one point that everyone had scored except  Pedrioa.

Ortiz got 2 home runs.  There was a Grand Slam by Middlebrooks--after a walked in run--I know that has a particular name, but I don't know what it is.  Ellsbury got a homer.

It got so bad that they put in the 2nd stringers and they scored homers too.  That poor Detroit pitcher.  I don't know why they left him in.

I actually considered saving the 4+ hour game on the DVR to watch when I'm down.  It was great.

GO SOX!

Milestone We didn't Get

There were a handful of special girls in Ian's life.  Shannon was one of them.  She made him blush about a thousand times.  They shared their birthday weekend:  hers on the 18th, his on the 19th.  When they were 12 or 13 they plotted about going on their first date together as soon as they were 16.  Ian didn't make it.  He had 17 days to go.

The boy who did take Shannon on her first date called Keith and said that he wanted to make it special for her even though he wasn't Ian.  What should they do?  That was quite a call.

I know Shannon spent time on her 18th birthday at the cemetery.

She had her mission farewell today.  She's going to Knoxville, Tennessee.  We went to hear her speak. When the opening song started  I cried.  Cried quite a while.  Nobody saw.  Nobody knew what I was secretly feeling.  It was good.  She's a great girl.  She'll be a great missionary.  Ian's proud of her.

He is a seasoned missionary by now.  After 3 years, he could give here some tips.  I wish he'd had a farewell.