Leaf Curl



This is what my peach tree looks like this year.  There aren't many leaves at all.  All the remaining ones are curled up and the peaches are all moldy.  We  had a cool summer last year, followed by a really wet winter, a wet spring and the heat still hasn't arrived.  This tree doesn't have a clue what's going on.  Now it has something attacking it.  It's been totally blind-sided. 

I understand what my tree is going through.  Late this afternoon I found myself literally curled up in fetal position on the couch trying to recover from the events of the day.  As I laid there, I actually thought, "Oh, I'm just like the peach tree." 

As much as I tried to mentally prepare for the day, I still got blind-sided.  You see, I got up enough nerve to tell my mother-in-law that I had something I wanted to talk to her about and offered to take her to lunch.  I drove her to the cemetery first because today is the 6 year anniversary of Dale's death. 

Sidebar:  What a great man.  I miss him so much and can see him in Keith's eyes so often. 

Anyway, on with the story.  Everything went fairly smooth.  We  talked all the way there--about 30 minutes.  I helped her glue some tacky stuff to the cement on the grave.  That's her decision.  I'm fine with that and was happy to help--even in the rain.  I asked her if it was weird grieving Dale and having another  husband.  We talked about her upcoming move--that was the reason for the trip.  She even pleasantly surprised me with a lot of her answers.

We had a pretty good lunch.  I love Thai food and I let her choose and I paid.  It was a good day for the Mother/Daughter-in-law relations until...

She told me there is something wrong with my nephew's baby and they are inducing it's birth tomorrow.  I almost cried right there at the table.  I don't understand all my feelings.  First,  I'm hurt that we didn't know.  Nobody thinks we care enough to even tell us.  That's a real blow.  Second,  It's like a punch in the gut to think about anything being wrong with any one's baby.  It's a horrible thing to go through.  Horrible.  Third, the one that puzzles me the most,  I'm annoyed that it'll probably turn out to be nothing and they'll live happily ever after like everyone else.  I think I'm a monster sometimes.  Of course I don't want anything to be wrong, so why do I feel that way?  Why did it have to be my baby that it couldn't  turn out to be nothing?

I got through that exchange without losing it, so on the way home I find out my niece is 3 months pregnant too.  Nope, didn't know that either.  Such a close, loving family!  After I dropped off my mother-in-law, I actually thought I'd call and invite Keith's brother over for dinner since his wife is AZ for the birth already and see if there's anything we could do for him.  Silly me.  I got his voicemail which says "please don't leave a message, just text."  I hung up.  (no texting on my phone.)  For all intents and purposes, we just aren't family.   Someday I hope it matters that I cared.

Trying to be a close family gives me leaf curl--couch curl in my case.