Prayer Cue Card

I remember in the first few weeks I was in Hong Kong I was nervous about praying in Chinese because I really had to concentrate to think of what to say and then the pronunciation was atrocious.  One day I took a tan cardstock "things to do" card and made a list of all the things I could say in my prayers.




Why put a photo of a to do list when I can put a photo of Hong Kong?



I still have the card with the horrible romanization penned on it.
I think I need to make a new card.   I've had to scrap some of the things I was used to saying and start over with more appropriate phrases.  When I'm not focused I revert to the old stand-bys and then get that catch in my throat and feel bad for saying things I don't mean.

Here's an example from a dinner prayer:  "We're thankful we are all back together tonight."  Every time I slip and say that, inside I think,  "No,  I'm not.  We aren't all here."  There's about 20 of them.  The standard things, not necessarily rote phrases, but just things you say.  Then there's the askings.  What blessing do I want?  Do I ask to be happy or to be able to move on or what?  I need a card.

I heard something at the funeral today that I'm going to put on the top of my list.  The woman that died prayed every day and night that she would be able to endure to the end.  I could say that without a pause or a catch or thinking I wasn't being sincere.  I like that--I have to do it--endure, so I should ask for help with it.  I'm going to start my list with that.  Then,  bless me with the Comforter.  I didn't think of that on my own either, but it's good.  I made a partial list a few weeks ago just from reading my patriarchal blessing.  I looked at all the counsel in it and thought I should specifically pray for those things.  It made me feel good for a few days.  It gave me focus.  Unfortunately my attention span is rather short and I'm not feeling very patient.  Answers now would be a good thing.  If Heavenly Father could tell me what to do with my life now that would be great.

I've said it and written it before, when there is only really one thing you want and you can't ask for it, it's hard to ask for other things. 

I guess I can make a pretty good prayer out of these few things and then just pray for other people.  There is always lots of people in need.  I'll just pray for them.  I can pray for my brother to remember how he felt when he used to go to church.  I can pray for his kids who are growing up without any gospel support.  I can  pray for my parents, that they can stay healthy and strong, but eventually they won't be and that's more apparent now than ever.   I can pray for my other brother and his family.  Their lives aren't quite as perfect as I've always thought.  I can pray for all those who  persecute me and despitefully use me--just kidding.  I pray for Keith.  He has so many burdens.  I pray for Lucy, that she will have friends who love her.  I pray that Mikey will stay sweet and not change when the testosterone starting  pumping.

But for me,  I'm just going to pretend that prayer language is a new language just like Chinese was and refer to my cue card and decide that even if  praying makes me bawl every time, I have to do it anyway.