I Could Use Some Exercise

I came across a scripture verse this week that I've been thinking about.  It's in Acts, Chapter 24, verse 16.  It's a part of Paul's  testimony to Felix after being captured.  It reads,  "And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men."  I remember underlining it while we were reading as a family.  I was laying down and doing a horrible job.  The word offence is almost completely crossed out because I didn't sit up or use a ruler.  I made quite a lengthy note next to it that night.

"5-22-11  Exercise is a good word to describe the practice it takes to be able to not get offended by things others do to us and also not to see events in our lives as offences by God.  We need to work on it often to be strengthened in this way just like teaching a muscle through exercises."

I haven't been doing too well at that.  In fact, in thinking about all the things  people have done and said to me lately--or not done and said,  maybe I should take some responsibility for my reactions.  If everyone around offends me,  then maybe I'm just too offendable. 

I think maybe I'm like sandpaper.  I'm so rough that everything catches on me.  Things that shouldn't.  Comments that really aren't insensitive or ignorances that can't be helped.   People aren't in my head.  They don't see through my eyes.  They don't know that when I  say I'm fine and quickly change the subject, that I  don't mean it.   They are all fooled into thinking that I'm strong and well-adjusted.  

The problem with being sandpaper is that there will always be things to catch on.  Always.  There will be people complaining about their kids.  There will be talks and lessons on miracles following faith--they do, after all.  There will be many, many things for the rest of my life that can hurt for a second or for a week.  I get to choose that.

I think I'd rather be the thing that got rubbed by  the sandpaper--the smooth, shiny, beautiful thing that is left--the piece of wood with the interesting and unique grain from all it's growth and challenges, even if there are a few knots.

I need to follow my own advice written next to this scripture verse and start exercising my 'don't get offended' muscles.  I need to be more like my Father in Heaven.  He doesn't take offense at all the silly things we do and say.  The only thing that offends Him is when we don't acknowledge Him in all things.  (D&C 59:21)--when we don't admit that He's in charge.