I thought today was going to be horrible. I just didn't know how horrible. It was the team captain's luncheon for the heartwalk today. I psyched myself up and went; sat by myself; and answered questions about who I was.
The nice long power point about heart disease killing people indiscriminately did wonders for my ability to actually eat the food I was served. I overheard one of the business team leaders nonchalantly say she'd decided to get involved because a boy in her daughter's class died of heart disease this past year. I listened to the director tell me that the boy who was supposed to speak (who I know) was in San Francisco at his cardiologist's office because he was having issues and the surgery that has been looming since he was born might need to be now. I made it out of there with my dignity.
About an hour later, I asked Mikey where he wanted to go next week while Lucy was gone to camp--San Francisco, Monterey, Santa Cruz? He turned to me and said he didn't want to go anywhere because when we do it doesn't turn out well. What the Hell? I had this fantasy that at least Mikey was still fooled into thinking I was a good mom, a fun mom, something. Nope.
No, I'm not done yet. I took dinner to a grieving man tonight. I asked Keith to drive me because I was in such a bad mood. When we got in the door, he started telling us he's been faking his beliefs for decades and now wonders if there's a God at all. Whew. Is that Heavenly Father's was of showing me that it could be worse? I'm not exactly the poster child for resilient strength. I just hope I didn't say anything wrong. Tomorrow might be better for me—I hope it is for him.
1 comment:
I'm sorry.
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