What April Should Bring

It's April.  Spring.  Someone said to me yesterday,  "There's only six more weeks until the end of the school year."  There's yet another punch in the gut.  How could this school year possibly go this fast.  It started 7 days after we buried our child.  He could be almost finished with his sophomore year.

Something--I don't know what--triggered a thought tonight.  Ian should be going to Prom this month.  He should be wearing a tuxedo and patent leather shoes.  He should be matching a corsage to a dress.  I should be finding chores around the house for him to earn the money to pay for everything.  He should be a nervous wreck about how it will all go and I should be reassuring him that any girl that has him for a date is lucky.

There's no question of whether he would go or not.  He's wanted to date since he was five, kissing the girl named Megan in kindergarten.  Who knows, maybe his prom date would've been named Megan too.  I'm sure he would've convinced his best friend to double with him and they would've had the best time and the best laughs and the best memory stories to tell their kids about their prom.  The lucky girls would've been entertained  start to finish.

A couple weeks ago, I told my friend that Keith and I were looking at tombstones--shopping, and she said,  "It couldn't be as hard as shopping for a prom dress."  Although it hurt and gave me insight into how insensitive people can be, I didn't put it together with the idea that Ian would be preparing for prom right now too.  I didn't get to see him as a dating 16 year old.  But tonight, there it was--the loss of one more thing.  No prom.  No prom photos.  No getting him ready to go.  No talk about being a gentleman.  No waiting for him to come home.  No seeing his face as he tells me every detail.  No first kiss--since kindergarten.