Monday, September 17, 2012

High Tide




The waves of grief were back to slap me today.  I'm not even sure what caused it.
Nothing, I don't need a reason. 
All the old feelings of guilt were drowning me. 
Here's the list:

Why did I leave Ian home on that mattress and go blueberry picking?
Why didn't I tell Keith he couldn't go to Oregon, that I needed him to meet us at the hospital days before we actually went?
Why didn't I yell and scream and insist that they do every test  possible?
Why didn't I figure out why I was an emotional basket case for weeks?
Why?
Why?
Why?

Mikey's a lot shorter than me.  Waves cover him easier.  He's been under-water for a couple of months.  What can I do?
Why now?

Just Questions.
No Resolution.
No Insight.

No comments: