Always Something to Learn

I had good experiences 2 weekends ago.  I got to hear a great choir sing about Jesus in a way I don't usually get to.  I got to hear an unusual testimony borne by Gladys Knight--the choir director.  I got to sit 30 feet from another apostle--Elder Jeffery R. Holland.  I got to take a person who didn't know anything about our church and try to be an example of what I believe.  With all the pomp of it and all the murmuring I did beforehand about the fuss being paid to the famous singer, I have to admit I had tears on my  cheeks when she sang the simplest of all songs:  "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so."

In this glorious world, we are supposed to believe that we all matter the same amount, that the same attention is given to each of our prayers and that our life circumstances don't determine God's love for us.  While I believe that whole-heartedly in theory,  I have a hard time staying converted to it in practical life.  I feel guilty though, somehow for even expressing the thought.  It means my faith is weak.  It means I don't trust.  It means my eye isn't singly focused on the things of God.  It means I believe God thinks Gladys Knight is more important in the kingdom than I am.  (My belief, not God's.)

Last week we also read 1Nephi chapter 17.  The chapter with the electric current and the bountiful land of fruit and the start of the ship building.  I heard something different though.  I really paid attention to the explanation of the Israelites getting led by Moses and why things went the way they did for them.  Nephi is trying to tell his brothers why the Israelites got to boot out the people who were already in the land of  promise and take it over.

 32:  And after they had crossed the river Jordan (so it's Joshua leading them at this point) he did make them mighty unto the driving out of the children of the land, yea, unto the scattering them to destruction. 
33:  And now, do ye suppose that the children of this land, who were in the land of promise, who were driven out by our fathers, do ye suppose that they were righteous?  Behold, I say unto you, Nay. 
34:  Do ye suppose that our fathers would have been more choice than they if they had been righteous:  I say unto you, Nay. 
35  Behold, the Lord esteemeth all flesh in one;  he that is righteous is favored of God. 
Then skip to verse 40  And he loveth those who will have him to be their God.

I'm confusing some very important differences in my thinking.  God doesn't play favorites.  He doesn't have pets.  He doesn't make things work out for some and not for others--at least not in the way my mortal mind can understand.  He favors the righteous;  He loves those who allow Him to be their God;  He has noble and great ones who  earn that distinction through their dedicated service to Him.  I can't say knowing that makes me feel better, but it's still true.  I can say I liked life better when I felt that my son was so important to God that He kept sending miracles to keep him here.