No Small Hiccups

I hope someday I will get back to the old me--at least the me who can function.  In my world now, there is hanging by a thread or falling apart.  There isn't anything else and each little, seemingly insignificant event or problem sends me from the one to the other.

I went into 'knot in my stomach'  pacing this morning over our dental insurance changing.  I was so annoyed when I saw on caller-ID that the dentist's office was calling for the third time to confirm our appointment.  The first time it was automated, yesterday it was a real person on the answering machine and then again today.  I almost jumped in first to say, "Yes, we are coming.  Leave me alone,"  when her polite little receptionist voice came on.  "Mrs. Gleason, I just called to verify your insurance for your appointments and Aetna said your policy has been terminated.  Do you have other coverage?"  I didn't have a clue.  Catching me off guard isn't the best thing these days.  "I'll have to call my husband and see,"  I said.  Then I realized he wasn't in the office this morning.  Big sighs and churning stomach.  I caught him on the cell phone and he didn't know the coverage had changed.  He'd have to make a call.  While I was waiting I punched out our new medical insurance cards and looked at them to see if they said anything and then put them in my wallet.  When I took the others out, I made sure to keep Ian's from 2010 in there with the rest.  How do I chuck it?  His whole life depended on it.  I can't even write that without sobbing.  Anyway, it's gonna stay in my purse  probably forever.  Keith called back;  gave me account numbers and group numbers, but still didn't know if our dentist was going to be in-network.  That would be more than I could stand.  I would rather have my teeth rot out than find a new dentist.  I can't even change our TV provider without major anxiety. 

When he read in his directory that our dentist is covered at 100%,  I had to quickly get off the phone so I could break down with relief and bawl.

I want things to be different.  I want perspective.  I want things not to build to where "Wow, I haven't cried for three days, doesn't mean I'm going to break over our dental coverage.  I want small hiccups.