So, I've been saying for about 3 years or more that I wanted to be part of a book club. I don't know why. I think it's to feel like I'm still smart--still learning. In high school I never read the assigned books. I skimmed and faked and did OK. I remember my senior year I made a goal to actually read the things I was supposed to. In college I read more. I think I was interested in more. I had to take a lot of literature classes to get a communication degree. Being a missionary got me reading reading. Yes, there is supposed to be 2 readings there. Gospel reading is great.
That's all been so long ago. It's been forever since I felt like a student--like I was progressing. Keith reads like he just can't get enough. He can block out the world if he's reading. I've never been able to do that. I can't block. I'm a little autistic in that sense. I've always wanted to be a veracious reader like Keith. I've always felt like I'm not nearly as book-smart as he is. It drives me wild. I don't really think I'm all that competitive, but I want to be as smart as my husband.
Tomorrow night is the first night of my book club. We'll see how it goes. I'm afraid people will come just because they feel sorry for me as the pitiful grieving mother who needs support. Like I need a project to distract me. (Distraction is the title of a post I just can't seem to finish.) I do need about 70 projects to distract me. I just don't want anyone to know that. So, anyway, I think tonight, I'm terrified. I can't concentrate long enough to plan the food. The house isn't as clean as I want and what if something sets me off in front of a roomful of women and I bawl? Once again, I've taken on something that I'm not all confident I can pull off. But, (I know, you can't start a sentence with but, but these are just my thoughts.) I finally need to put up or shut up. If I want to be part of a book club, then I better make it happen for myself.
1 comment:
You can do it. I know you can.
What book are you reading?
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