We Decide Whether We are Able

At this time of year we all have more to do than usual.  We all have things to make, do and deliver.  We all want to be on top of things and check off everything on our lists.  Setting the holidays aside, and focusing on the other seasons of the year,  I want to declare,  "My abilities do not equal my accomplishments."  Here's the gem:  I don't claim to be "unable" when I drop the ball.

I can't even count the times I've been asked,   "Were you able to do that for me?"   Or the times that,  I've heard,  "Sorry,  I wasn't able to do that."  Or how about when I'm asked if I had time to get to whatever it is.  Responsibilities in the gospel are my personal favorite.  "Did I have time to do my visiting teaching?"  "Yes, but I still didn't do it."  Now let me qualify my remarks by saying I know I have more time than the average person who has a job--but when I don't do something, it's almost never because I wasn't able to or because I didn't have time.  Usually it's because I'm either lazy or stubborn or I put my own priorities ahead of something I was asked to do by someone else--even God. 

Sometimes I don't do things because I don't want to find out that I'm not able.  I still have the illusion that I'm as smart as my doctor or as talented as most fixer-uppers or cooks.  I still have many dreams for myself that I don't pursue because as long as I haven't failed at them, I can still think I would be able to reach them if I tried. 

I  see how others let themselves off  the hook by saying, "I'm not able,"  and I scoff when they use a scripture to justify not running as fast as they can because they don't have the strength.  I say under my breath, "Get the strength!  Win the prize!  Finish the verse!"  I hold myself to that standard too.  Maybe that's the real reason I don't pursue some things.  I don't want to be the thing I hate--weak and unable;  full of excuses.   I guess I'm that anyway.  People just don't know it.  I make the excuses and rationalizations to myself. 

Maybe this blog will eventually help me.  I want to be a writer--I've always wanted to be a writer.