Oprah comes at a good time of the day for me. I have the big project of the day as finished as it's going to be and I don't have to fix dinner yet. It's a good mind-numbing time and I usually fall asleep for 10 minutes or so. I have kind of a love/hate relationship with Oprah. I'd love to be in the audience to collect on her favorite things. I'd love to met the people she meets. Mostly I love that when she was asked why she didn't have children she freely admitted that her career is too important to her and she wouldn't be a good mother. She chose herself and put it out there. That is brave, even if it is supremely selfish--at least she knows herself.
I hate that she thinks marriage is unnecessary--also a good reason to not have children. I hate that she has bought into her one publicity and thinks she runs the world. And here's the thing I hate the most: She has snowed a whole generation of women, maybe 2, into thinking that they should put themselves first.
I don't know how many times in the last 10 years I have heard the airplane analogy. "Put your own mask on first and then help small children and those around you." That may sound like something that can be broadly applied, but real life isn't some motivational, feel-good-about-yourself seminar. I've heard it referenced when talking about marriage--"You have to tell him what you need." I've heard it used when speaking about parenting--"I'm so much better for my children when I'm fulfilled." You here it all the time about careers--"Find what you love doing. Don't let your job be your life." Do real people have that option? Or are they responsible for meeting the needs of those who depend on them?
I don't buy the premise that I am the most important thing in my universe. I'm lucky--my husband has always put my needs first. I think I owe it to him and our children to do the same. It may be shocking that I don't find putting others' needs before my own as drudgery either. I remember hearing Teri Hatcher (maybe on the Oprah show) talk about her book, Burnt Toast. She said she thought it was awful that her mother always took the burnt toast and gave her family the ones that weren't burned. What is wrong with that? That's the kind of mother I have and it's the kind of mother I want to be. Sacrifice is a virtue isn't it?
The "you can't fill anyone else's bucket unless yours is already full principle" is a great tease for a magazine article. Who doesn't want to hear how great it is to be pampered? It just seems contrary to me, especially if applied in any sort of gospel sense. I see it as Satan's way of warping "lose yourself in the service of others." It's absolutely the opposite of what the Savior taught. He didn't even know where He would sleep or where His next meal would come from. He was busy teaching and healing and serving. Is that not the job of women? Mothers? Wives? I think it's such a waste to teach millions of women that they aren't enough unless they focus on themselves. How can we expect those in our lives to think of our needs if we aren't thinking of theirs? We--I am fulfilled because I love other people, not because I love myself.
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