Prom

That's my girl.
At the Country Club.
With a pedicure and glittery sandals.
She even got her hair done at a salon.--You can do that when you find a great dress for $16.00.  Yes new--no thrifting for prom.
Glad her motto is "modest is hottest."  I don't have to worry about the shrug coming off during the night.

Right now as I write this she's at a pool party with boys and girls.  Yikes.  I had to ask whose parents would be there and if she had made sure there would be no alcohol and admonish her that while she was in her suit and wet there was no touching a boyfriend.  Parenting keeps getting harder.  As much as I hate her growing up--I know it beats the alternative.  I want her to enjoy life--be good, but be happy.  I have to keep lengthening the leash.

Strong Witnesses for the Savior

I watched general conference today.  And yesterday.  It was good.  Really good.  I have highlights.

More than 1 apostle gave a talk that sounded like Elder McConkie's last testimony.  Very, very strongly worded witnesses.  I hope they will not be their last words to us.

Gratitude is not about what we have--not even the blessings we have.  It's an attitude of faith.  We don't have to wait for everything to turn out right to be thankful.  I was thinking about it tonight, about what God really wants from us and I think it is what I want from my children.  I want them to show me they love me by doing what I ask of them.  I want them to acknowledge me when they succeed--not credit me or praise me, just remember me.  That's what God wants isn't it?

I am a pick-up truck carrying a load.  The load I carry helps me get back to my Heavenly Father.  Yes, this was a story in a talk--I guess you had to be there.  Maybe I'll link it sometime.  I'll have to read it over and over to understand it fully because I think it meant that some loads and good and some aren't.  Getting strength from carrying a load is good--unless it's sin.  Challenges can be strengthening but I'd rather my truck never got stuck and needed weight in the back.  The one thing I did think of this talk was some loads are a lode.  A treasure.  Precious in what they teach, but still a burden.  It's a good thing Christ has a yoke that's stronger than four wheel drive.

Mikey learned that getting a ride with a stranger can be a good thing.  Oops.  That was a really good talk. I can't remember the over-arching subject but it was really good. In fact, I was really impressed with both of the sisters' talks this time.  I know how sexist I am when it comes to conference, but this time I was happily surprised.  Both great talks.  One on pornography.  Guess that means it's now a problem women have too.  Yikes.

Elder Scott stills loves his wife Jeanene.  His devotion and love for her is a treasure and I say that without any of my usual sarcasm.  I mean it.  She is still part of his life and that makes me smile.
If there was one topic that was repeated more than others, I would say it was to the youth--Be strong and don't be afraid of standing alone.  Hmm--how did the general authorities get a hold of my last post?

Standing up and Standing out

San Joaquin County Mock Trial Winners

Lucy's had quite a time of it lately.  She's seen and learned some things that I would have liked to put off for later.  The thing that has made it the most frustrating--for me, not her-- is that all the people she's been watching make bad choices have been members of our church.
Wouldn't it be great if they had the same standards she does?  I really should have recorded this weeks ago so I could do it with better clarity, but without all the details there is one thing I really want to get down.  We were riding in the car and I told Lucy it is a good lesson to learn that when you stand for something, you don't always have people standing behind you like in the Thomas S. Monson  video.

Here it is. It's only 4 minutes.

Now that you've watched it you will understand how significant Lucy's comment was.  She said, "It's okay if I stand alone.  It will make it easier for God to see me."  She's growing up beautifully.

Notice the cap sleeve on the formal dress she chose.

She's brilliant, but better than that, she's wise.  And even though I would rather everyone around her was strong too, I've had some great chances as a mom to counsel her when she's come to me.
Yeah!
And no, this boy didn't have a thing to do with any of the issues.  He's quite a catch and looking forward to a mission in 18 months.

Not an Honor

I wasn't raised by a single parent.  If  I ever win an award or dedicate a book or go on a talk show, that's what I will say.  My parents love me.  They love each other.  They wanted the best for me.  My mom didn't get pregnant out of wedlock.  They made good decisions.  They took my life and upbringing into account when they acted.
I have to say I'm tired of people speaking of their sainted single parents.  I know that all situations are different and some are not single parents as a result of their own actions, but dare I say, that most are.

Most of the single parents out there made bad choices and their children are suffering because of it.
My parents didn't have it easy.  They moved cross country  multiple times.  They didn't have their family near them.  They encountered difficult job situations and persecution over their religion.  They got married very young by today's standard at 18 and 21.  They suffered the loss of a child which nearly broke them.  In fact, it did break their marriage for a year's time.  They lived apart.  Somehow they overcame.  They forgave. They put my welfare and that of my remaining brothers at the forefront of their minds.  They weren't selfish. They didn't decide that it was too hard to fix.  They didn't cut their losses.  They kept their commitments.  I'm proud of them.
My family is not immune from divorce.  It's not free from pregnancy out of marriage.  I'm not judging those I love.  I am judging society as a whole.  It's become too easy to think in the short term; to say "oh well."  It's too easy in this world of pseudo-tolerance to do whatever feels good at the time and damn the consequences.

Too many kids are shuttled back and forth every week.  They don't have a real home or a real identity. They don't have permanence in their lives.  They don't trust that everything will be okay.  They wonder if they can really have love that lasts.

I'm here to say it's possible.
I'm here to thank my parents for not being single parents.
I'm here to promise my kids they won't ever have single parents.
It's not a badge of honor to say "My mom did it on her own" --even in Hollywood.

Not Fear of the Unknown

Can't shake the feeling.

I've been saying for at least a year that I was enjoying Lucy growing up;  being a teenager;  dating;  driving. That I was taking it in stride--didn't get to do it with Ian and it was going to be all pleasure with Lucy.  It hit me yesterday as I made myself call the insurance company to add her to the auto policy.  I started bawling.

Dread.

I called my mom.  I thought she was the only one that would understand the terror I feel at the thought of Lucy getting smooshed in a car accident.  None of my friends or family members who've gone through their kids getting driver's licenses know what it's like to lose a child.  They are scared, but they don't even know exactly what they are scared of.

My mom tried to reassure me and told me to pray and have Lucy pray every time she gets in the car.  That made it worse.  Who had more prayers said on their behalf than Ian?  God took him anyway.  He could take Lucy too if  He chose.  One day she could leave the house and never come home.

Been there.  Done that.

I've been able to control things more for Lucy, even though I couldn't with Ian.  That's not saying it right.  I know that she has a healthy body and if I feed her right and make sure she gets enough sleep and some exercise that she can have a good life.  I didn't doom her from the beginning with a broken body.

But all the years of car seats and swimming lessons and stranger-danger talks can't give me the assurance I need now.

I'm not in charge.

Super Powers

I have a special affinity for super heroes.  I have many memories that have little bits and pieces of super heroes mixed in.  I remember going to the mall just to be out of a small apartment in New Hampshire and only having a few dollars to spend.  Ian would be in the stroller and I would just walk to get my mind off whatever the medical issue of the day was.  We would always end up at KayBee Toys.  I could buy an action figure for 3 or 4 dollars, less if they were having a sale, and he would light up like I'd just bought him a pony.  He had a super hero birthday party complete with costumes, tug-of-war and parade down the street.

When he got his own bedroom in our house in Texas, it was to be a super hero room.  That was before there was any hero merchandise to be found.  I had to make everything.  It was a great adventure for my creativity.  Those characters--caricatures if you will, made him laugh.  They helped his imagination and communication center heal.  They also gave him a safe, alternative universe where differences were revered.

I've seen more episodes of super hero cartoons than most people and slept through several full-length movies.  I guess what I'm saying is that I don't have a grudge and I'm not completely ignorant either.  I do have a feeling though about the fairly recent flood of super hero and fantasy/fairy tale options in our media today.  Some might say that it's reaching, but I don't think so.

People--(adults, I'm primarily talking about because a lot of it is very adult, even R or Mature rated) are drawn in to these themes because they are very sly tools of Satan.  WHAT?  Did I just say that?  Here's my take:  Something inside us--our spirit, already knows about special powers and miraculous things.  Walking on water is a good example.

I believe Satan has colluded with Syndrome from the Incredibles and is working as the great counterfeiter  to make us believe, "When everyone is super, then no one will be."  If magic and fantasy and people with special powers (Even fictional ones) are so commonplace around us, it lessens the greatness of the Savior, who is the only true Superhero.  That's his goal right?

And these days even the superhero doesn't always do the right thing. I didn't see it myself--couldn't bring myself to because "Batman is better than Superman" but I heard that in Man of Steel, Superman kills the guy in the end.  Doesn't sound good to me.

Jesus is the only real super hero.  He, not Hercules, is the only man to be born literally of a God and I really truly believe that He takes a hit every time somebody else gets credit for supernatural things. Superheroes are entertaining.  Like I said, they have a very dear place in my life.  They need to be kept within certain parameters. With certain understandings.  If Christ came today and we saw what he could do on the news or the internet, would our initial reaction be that they used special effects or CGI or cut the tape in creative editing?  I think we need to be careful.  Just saying.

Obama's Killing the Dream

I've been saying for months that I was going to rewrite Martin Luther King's famous I Have a Dream speech as given  now by President Obama as "I killed the Dream."  I printed the original out today at work so I could get started on it.  In reading the original text I felt disgusted at the direction things have gone and decided I couldn't really rewrite the speech without coming across as  horribly pessimistic and racist.

My hero as a child was Abraham Lincoln.  I've written about it.  I read every book I could about him because he freed the slaves.  I thought that was the best thing that had ever happened.  I still do.  I've learned a lot about slavery since then.  I learned that some blacks had slaves too which really shocked me.  I learned that slaves were regarded and treated differently in different places.  I learned that after the emancipation proclamation, blacks actually became quite powerful in the South as far as government was concerned and that led to all kinds of new problems.

My point is that I'm not horribly pessimistic or racist or naive either, for that matter.  Over the years of my adult life, I've had the opportunity that wasn't afforded me in my childhood hometown to get to know several black people in various capacities and found that they were no different than the white or brown people I've known. Some of them were good people, some of them were very good people and some of them were not. No giant surprise.

My thoughts about the "Dream" speech are this:  We are almost as far from judging people by their character as we were in the 60's.  Over the years the only idea we've had to combat the problem is that we need to bring some people down so others can rise.  We've used it to elevate women as well as minorities.  I don't understand the thinking behind it.   I don't think that is  what Martin Luther King wanted.  He wanted opportunity for those around him.   I don't think he'd be pleased with the outcome of many laws and statutes on the books today.  I don't think he'd want us counting people by the color of their skin for jobs or college or anything else any more than I do.  I don't think he'd want the same things that President Obama wants.  I hope he wouldn't  be in favor of ideas set forth by people like Jesse Jackson or Louis Farrakhan.  I hope he'd have a mix of black and white friends and I think they would be of all financial backgrounds.

I hope he wouldn't  be in favor of redistribution of wealth in this country.  I hope he'd be in favor of free market, because after all, he was an advocate for freedom; for people being able to make their own way, not for people being entitled to do nothing--black, white, or any shade of brown in between. 

This is what I'd like to think about the reverend doctor.  I didn't know him.  I can't really judge his character, only his legacy.  Here's my dream:  I dream for a better nation too; where we all contribute; where we all feel responsible; where everyone is equal in hope, ambition and opportunity.  I dream for a nation where sitting back and doing nothing won't create a better life experience than working and earning.