The Chicken and the Egg

2 quotes today that I have read recently that make me feel hopeful--both by God's messengers.  Faith and hope go together.  In fact sometimes, it's  hard to know which comes first and which leads to the other.

"As members of the church, if we chart a course leading to eternal life; if we begin the processes of spiritual rebirth, and are going in the right direction. . . then it is absolutely guaranteed--there is not question whatever about--we shall gain eternal life.  Even though we have spiritual rebirth ahead of us, perfection ahead of us, the full degree of sanctification ahead of us, if we chart a course and follow it to the best of our ability in this life, then when we go out of this life we'll continue in exactly that same course.  We'll no longer be subject to the passions and the appetites of the flesh.  We will have passed successfully the tests of this mortal probation and in due course we'll get the fullness of our Father's kingdom--that means eternal life in his everlasting presence."  Bruce R. McConkie  Speeches of the Year 1976 BYU

"To the individual who is weak in the heart;  fearful in the heart:  Be patient with yourself.  Perfection comes not in this life, but in the next life.  Don't demand things that are unreasonable, but demand of yourself improvement.  As you let the Lord help you through that, He will make the difference."  Elder Russell M. Nelson Video Segment for the Plan of Salvation Lesson--New Youth Curriculum

It's encouraging to think that faith and direction determine my ultimate destination; not how close I am to perfection right now.

"Wherefore, ye may also have hope, and be partakers of the gift, if ye will but have faith."  Ether 12:9

"Having faith on the Lord; having a hope that ye shall receive eternal life; having the love of God always in your hearts, that ye may be lifted up at the last day and enter into his rest."  Alma 13:29

Even when I have faith, I still need to hope that I am good enough; that I will overcome and accomplish; that God will accept and forgive me.  Some days that's easier than others.

Sweet Sixteen

My little girl is on her first date. 

His name is Cole.

  I am calm—not stressed; not scared or worried. 

I don’t know if that’s good or bad.
The day had a lot of twists and turns, but that’s another story for another post.  This one is just about how beautiful she is and how much I love her.

25 Words or Less

I didn’t listen to all of general conference yet because I was on vacation with my hubby  of 20 years.  One talk did make me think and I decided to see what I could come up with.  There was a story of a prisoner of war who after years of being held was allowed to write to his family, but had to give his message in 25 words.  I had heard the story before.  This time though--I think because I haven’t been able to speak to Ian for years now-- it struck me.

What could I say to my husband and kids that they would be sure it was me and let them know how much they meant to me.  I don’t think I would be as overtly religious in tone as the man in the story.  I think my whole family would know those expectations anyway.  Let me give it a try.

For Ian

GooberSnout-  I hope you are cooking “stuff in a pot” and talking about Superheroes.  I hear you telling me to take a breath.  I love you.

For Lucy

Lulu-  Please don’t be tough all the time.  You’re smart and pretty and you’ve always been good enough for me.  Now be happy.  I love you.

For Mikey

Somebody loves you little sweetie.  Don’t ever stop being ticklish or patient or compassionate.   Pick some blueberries and climb a tree often.  I love you.

For Keith

Red beard; green eyes; perfect man.  Thanks for waiting for me and calling me beautiful.  You were usually right;  happy, and obedient.  I love you.

Apparently there’s a game called 25 words or less.  I think I’m going to have to start looking for it at thrift stores so we can all play it together.

20 years

Keith and I have been married 20 whole years.  It’s hard to believe.  We’ve been through a lot.  Cross-country moves;  lay-offs; chronic serious illness;  debt;  loss of parent;  loss of child.  Maybe someday I’ll be able to tell what those things really do to a marriage, but for today, I just want to celebrate.
I booked us a trip to Seattle to commemorate the occasion.  I’m really cheap—no frugal.  There’s a difference.  I spent hours looking things over online before booking.  I got airfare for 2 and 4 nights hotel for $800.  Yeah, I know!  I also bought us CityPasses to cover most of our expenses while we were there for another $150.  I think if I hadn’t found it for so little, I’d still be wishing we could see Seattle.  Here it is:

This is one of my favorite shots.  Of course Keith’s aren’t in the computer for me to choose from, but I got some really great pictures too.  We had dinner up in the Space Needle on the 2nd—our anniversary.  I had scallops, just like on our honeymoon.  In fact, I think I had them either 2 or 3 times.

This is where I bought $30 worth of smoked salmon to snack on the rest of the day (also a honeymoon memory).  Pike’s Market reminded me of both Faneuil Hall in Boston and Hong Kong.

There was a tulip festival going on so all the bouquets had tulips.  Some had cherry blossoms and some had pussy willows.  It was amazing.

This is my best shot from the aquarium.  This otter kept rolling under the water while he was eating the clams.  He would tuck them in his “armpit” not to lose them while he was under.

I love my cheap simple camera.  It does such a good job. 

I can’t remember what the name of this fish was, but it should have something to do with camouflage.

What kind of attraction is a gum wall?  If you can believe it, there’s no vendor there selling gum.

View from the Harbor Cruise.  Keith got some great ones with the Space Needle, but I didn’t.

Butterflies at the science museum.  It was especially fun to see them after watching the IMAX movie about Monarch Migration.

Museum of Flight at Boeing Field was so interesting.  I loved going up in the tower and seeing all the live blips on the screen where all the planes in America were at that minute.  I also loved the Concorde.  Our tour guide was really great and told us stories about so many of the planes.  We spent the good part of a day in this one museum. 
None of my pictures of the EMP turned out.  It was pretty dark in there.  It was probably my least favorite as I’m not a fan or horror movies or Kurt Cobain.  The art museum had some neat stuff in it but we were amazed by the blown glass at the Chihuly Garden and Glass right next to the Space Needle.

This is the inside and next is the outside.  Yes, those things in the background are blown glass.

We rode the Ferris Wheel.  In the rain.  It was great, no line, we got a car all to ourselves.

We went in the coolest hot shop where Keith looked at fedoras.

We went to the first-ever Starbucks;  Ate the “World’s Best Mac and Cheese” and tried donuts we’d heard about at Top Pot.  We shopped on 5th Avenue;  Visited Chinatown and did all our traveling on public transit, including the monorail.
We visited a glass blowing factory and stood there gawking for nearly an hour.

I even got a photo of them throwing the fish at  Pike’s—it’s just blurry. 

Finally, one photo of me—not the best one, I might add.  It’s taken riding the light-rail train back to our hotel at the end of a long day.

It’s been a good 20.  There have been some days lately where I’ve been surprised at how thankful I feel.

Easter



This past month all of the lessons for the youth have been focused on the Atonement.  I taught the first one of the month and I chose  the one on grace.  It taught me a lot.  I learned that the strength to do righteous things is also grace, not just the part of my sins that I can’t make up for.  I learned that the “SAVED BY GRACE” is the big emphasized part and the “after all that I can do” is the little miniscule part that hardly makes a blip on the screen.  Not that it’s any less needed, just that I’m not earning my way to heaven.  It’s a gift no matter what.

We had a lesson on the resurrection and heard  wonderful stories about families who lost members and how everything was alright because of the resurrection.  When the advisor asked for my thoughts on that, I’m sure she didn’t know what was coming.  I told the girls that knowing about resurrection doesn’t make death easy—that the story was simplistic and death is still unbearable, but that the resurrection and the assurance of immortality makes it better.
Today We were singing the Easter hymn —Christ the Lord is Risen Today.  It’s a really happy hymn and it makes me feel so good to sing it, but as we sang the 3rd verse about the sting of death,  I couldn’t help thinking about how Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died.  “Jesus wept.”  That famous verse that all young children learn because it’s the shortest.  He knew he would raise him.  He knew things would be alright.  He knew the sisters would only have to grieve a little while longer.  But, He wept for his friend.
I’m going to use a reference here that is so random, but it’s pretty pertinent.  “Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end.”   That’s from an excellent movie I made Keith watch with me this weekend,  The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  That’s my take on the atonement; on life; on the plan of salvation.
That brings me to something else.  I had to give a talk in December.  I earned a new scripture with that talk.  I definitely feel I own it.  It gives me joy—the real true joy.  Let me explain.  God’s plan has many names.  In Alma 41 it is called the plan of restoration, then in chapter 42 we get the terms plan of salvation, plan of happiness, plan of redemption and plan of mercy.  Those are the ones we all hear about and give obediently when we are asked in Sunday School.  I found a name I like better; one that means even more to me.  It is found it 2nd Nephi chapter 11 verse 5.  It says: 
“And also my soul delighteth in the covenants of the Lord which he hath made to our fathers; yea, my soul delighteth in his grace, and in his justice, and  power and mercy in the great and eternal plan of deliverance from death.”
Isn’t that the coolest verse ever?  THE GREAT AND ETERNAL PLAN FOR DELIVERENCE FROM DEATH.  I want to be delivered from death.  I want everyone I love to be delivered from death.  PLUS, it includes all the other cool things about the atonement—grace, justice, power and mercy.
I delight in that too.  I delight in Easter.  I delight in hope—the hope that is possible because of Easter.

Societal Sin

I don't know where I saw it or read it--it was a long time ago.  It's scrawled on a little piece of paper in a pile of blog post things that I haven't written.  It's interesting.

Social engineering means "the art of gaining information by lying." 

There's a fancy, smart-sounding euphemism for lying to get what you want.  Amazing.  I really wish I could remember the context of that--what I thought of it at the time. 
On the back of the paper it says:
Socialite
social media
social networking
social gathering
sociopath
social climber
Tonight I add:
social situation
social security--don't get me started
social norms
A lot of those could have a slightly deceptive or manipulative (out for gain) undertone, couldn't  they?

I think if I was honest, I socially engineer at times.  I say things in a way to get the information I want.  I don't lie.  I'm a horrible liar.   I do, however, think long and hard about how to say things so that I will find out what I want to know and I interpret every word and try to assign it meaning.  I also omit. 

Lucy was telling me the other day about laying (I never remember if it's laying or lying) in bed thinking about a conversation she had and how she could have done it differently and why didn't she do this or say that.  I stopped her mid-sentence and told her to figure out how to not do that while she's still a teen because it will eat away at her later in life.

That's social engineering, right?  Plotting; maneuvering in conversation--whatever you want to call it.  Then there's the debrief afterward when you think,  "Wait a minute, did she mean....."  I'm thinking that in dissecting this and giving it attention that I now know it's a behavior I have to change.  Drag.  Another sin I commit that I didn't even realize.  That's the bad thing about a blog that's so self-focused, you find out all your flaws.

Okay, anyone who has this blog address doesn't need to worry.  I'm pretty open with all of you------or you wouldn't have the address.

Tidy Whities

Well, I’ve sunk to a new low today. 

I’ve been watching my life change over the past 6 months and while there is cause for relief, there are also warning signs that should never be ignored.  Here’s the thing:  I’m doing better enough to have normal  problems again. 
 
Mikey got up this morning and had no clean underwear for school.  I had to tell my son to wear yesterday’s underwear to school.  How awful is that?  What kind of mother am I?  This has never happened in 18+ years of being a mom.

I’m putting on a few pounds.  I’m comfort eating.  I’m bored eating and stress eating and not manically  burning calories to try and keep my mind busy.  It sucks.  2 years ago I was never eating and while I didn’t care how I looked, my body looked better. 

What else?  Because I’m not looking for spiritual meanings in things and writing about them,  I don’t see them much.    In fact, it’s been kind of a drought in that department.  Maybe it’s because Keith isn’t reaping the “bishop blessings” anymore. 

Ahh, the problems of normalness.  I’ll take them any day.  Oh yeah, still have the colossal problem too.  I miss you Ian.