Peace. Be Still.

I've been really stressed and cranky the past few days.  No real reason necessarily.  Work has been challenging with a new boss;  new expectations; and new big evaluations.  But, even though that's where Ive focused my frustration, I don't think that was it.  Young Women's is always a stresser.  Always has been. Always will be.  Sometimes it takes me hours to relax when I get home on  a Tuesday night.  That wasn't it this week either.  Last night I could feel the heaviness--the actual physical heaviness land on my shoulders and in the pit of my stomach and I knew that I'd let myself get overtired and the emptiness was the next feeling that would come.

Today as I said my prayer in the car, I asked for peace.  Just peace.  Not that my project would be easier or that Keith would find the right new job or place to live or even the reassurance that we really are supposed to be in Stockton--that's a common plea--just peace and understanding.  I didn't think much of it.  Just walked inside and sat down to a pile on my desk and got going.

I always turn on Pandora to an LDS worship station while I work, especially when I'm there alone.  I was working along for a couple of hours and right in the middle of something when I heard the words,  "Leave to thy God to order and provide;"

It shocked me, almost literally.  I was facing my desk, not my computer and I turned my chair around and looked at the screen and paused the music. I took a minute to finish what I was doing.  Then I went to the Pandora screen and pushed play.  I tried to make it go back to the first of the song, but I couldn't.  I recognized the tune--Be Still My Soul  but I don't remember ever really listening to the words.  I went in the classroom and got a hymnbook and made a copy of hymn 124, and underlined those few words.

After work I read the whole song.  Wow.  It is really comforting.  Here are the Lyrics:

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on they side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul:  Thy God doth undertake
to guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul:  The wave and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul:  The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul;  When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

It's a happy ending song.  It's a "not in charge" song.  It's a trust song.  It's a peace and understanding song.
I spend too much time "immersed in the three Ws: wearied, worrying, and whining."  (Pres. Uchtdorf, May 2011)  I need to knock it off.  I need to be still.

Right Up There

I have to say last week I watched one of the funnest, most enjoyable things I have ever seen on television.  The only way it could have been better would be if Ian were watching it with me.  He would have been doing the dance-jump and laughing until his eyes watered.  We would've been high-fiving and cheering and watching replays every few minutes.

It was the Boston Red Sox versus the Detroit Tigers.  The game where Big Pappy got his 2000th hit.

The sportscasters kept saying these were the 2 teams to watch for the pennant and I could see why. . .until the 6th inning.  That was when the real fun began. When the bottom of the 6th began the score was 5 to 4.

The Sox scored 8 runs that inning.  I don't remember how many homers that inning, but a couple at least.  They were saying at one point that everyone had scored except  Pedrioa.

Ortiz got 2 home runs.  There was a Grand Slam by Middlebrooks--after a walked in run--I know that has a particular name, but I don't know what it is.  Ellsbury got a homer.

It got so bad that they put in the 2nd stringers and they scored homers too.  That poor Detroit pitcher.  I don't know why they left him in.

I actually considered saving the 4+ hour game on the DVR to watch when I'm down.  It was great.

GO SOX!

Milestone We didn't Get

There were a handful of special girls in Ian's life.  Shannon was one of them.  She made him blush about a thousand times.  They shared their birthday weekend:  hers on the 18th, his on the 19th.  When they were 12 or 13 they plotted about going on their first date together as soon as they were 16.  Ian didn't make it.  He had 17 days to go.

The boy who did take Shannon on her first date called Keith and said that he wanted to make it special for her even though he wasn't Ian.  What should they do?  That was quite a call.

I know Shannon spent time on her 18th birthday at the cemetery.

She had her mission farewell today.  She's going to Knoxville, Tennessee.  We went to hear her speak. When the opening song started  I cried.  Cried quite a while.  Nobody saw.  Nobody knew what I was secretly feeling.  It was good.  She's a great girl.  She'll be a great missionary.  Ian's proud of her.

He is a seasoned missionary by now.  After 3 years, he could give here some tips.  I wish he'd had a farewell.

Citing the Source

I heard something on the radio today that made me so sad.  It was a political debate about Obamacare and I don't even know who the host was because he was just a fill-in for somebody else.  He was going on and on about how terrible it was that congress has now exempted their own staffs from participating in the vast chaos we all see coming toward us like a freight train.

Not that the whole healthcare/Obamacare issue isn't sad enough, but the guy quoted Abraham Lincoln to make his point.  He said, "We need to consider what Lincoln said--A house divided against itself cannot stand."  AAAuuugh.

Lincoln?  Lincoln is who he attributes that statement to?  Okay, so, Lincoln gave a famous speech about the future of slavery where he co-opted that phrase, but those words belong to Jesus.  What has happened to our  country?  What has happened to the Judeo-Christian make-up of our country?  What has happened to people reading the Bible? What has happened to people caring what Jesus said?  I can't believe it.

I'm a lover of Lincoln.  He's been a hero of mine since I was a kid, but even he isn't a great enough guy to get credit for Jesus' words.

Lead me

I've been working on memorizing hymns the past few weeks and it's been really hard--I always tend to make things harder than they need to be.  I picked 2 hymns that I wasn't super familiar with (would it be a challenge if I already knew all the words?) but that had words that really meant something to me.  The first one was "Go Forth with Faith" and the second, which I 'm going to write about is "Lead Kindly Light."

Here are the lyrics.  I adjusted some of the meter for my own better understanding.  I also added  my commentary in red. Some words I  had to look up to get the full affect.

Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom; The Light is the Savior; gloom is all the bad things in the world. 
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; This isn't really our home,
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet;
I do not ask to see the distant scene--
one step enough for me. I need to trust that it's okay for me to not be in charge; Somebody else has a better grasp on my own 'big picture' and I need to accept that. In other words: have faith and be meek and submissive

I was not ever thus,
nor pray'd that thou shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path;
but now, lead thou me on! Again, I'm stubborn and like to make my own decisions--not always consulting with my Heavenly Father or considering consequences.

I loved the garish day, Garish means showy
And, spite of fears, pride ruled my will. Wanting to be seen by men as intelligent, important or someone to be admired--putting worldly accolades before spiritual things.
remember not past years. Please forgive me and help me. 

So long thy pow'r hath blest me,
sure it still will lead me on  You haven't let me down thus far and I know you never will 
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, Through the swamp and bog and cliff and rushing water
till the night is gone. 'til I'm finished with all the tests and trials of life
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile! When I'm done and with all those I love-- even the ones I haven't seen for a long time,  we'll be happy.



It's a beautiful hymn and it means so much to me. I'm really glad I chose it, even if it was hard to memorize. One of the scriptures that goes with it is Psalms 119:133-135.

133 Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.
134 Deliver me from the oppression of man: so will I keep thy precepts.
135 Make thy face to shine upon thy servant; and teach me thy statutes.

Good Scripture too.

I decided to write my own version of the hymn.  It's not as poetic, but it's mine.

Savior, please take my hand,
Show me the way.
I'm weak and scared and sometimes stubborn,
Show me the way
I know that I'm just one grain of sand to Him--
And yet, I am His child.
My neck is stiff, my heart is stony
Could you show me the way?

Lord, please teach me how to feel
Show me the way
I'm small and simple but I like to be in control
Show me the way.
I try to lean on my own understanding--
Be in charge of my own destiny or fate
I'm wrong.
Forgive me, and light the way.

Master, please open my eyes
Show me the way
It's hard to bow my will to thine
Yet please show me the way
I'm not always inclined, sometimes compelled
I need to be still and let you be my God
and trust that my soul is of great worth
I beg, please mark the way.

Brother, help me endure it well
Show me the way
I know it's but a moment.  Still-
Show me the way
I want to recognize Your voice and follow
I'll try not to tell You what to say--what I want to hear;
Just listen to my shepherd
I know You are the Way.

Prayer Lessons

Here's an interesting book review:

Read this non-lds religious book.  It's great.  I highly recommend it.  Of course it 's not all doctrinally correct. That's okay.  It's got a great message and let me tell you what it is. Pray more.  Use your own words. Don't be surprised that  life is so hard  that you need to ask for rely on the Lord;s help--otherwise, how would you grow?  It was such a shock to me that there was a book giving people permission to say what they wanted in their prayers or that people needed a book to tell them.  I'm blessed to have been taught that my entire life.

It is based on an obscure scripture in the Old Testament that I now count as one that I own.  Stole the insight from a man of another faith--Bruce Wilkinson.

1 Chronicles 4:9-10

9 And Jabez was more honourable than his brethren: and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, Because I bare him with sorrow.
10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested.

So, here's the thing:  The first 3 chapters in Chronicles are nothing but genealogy.  A list of son after son after son for 3+ chapters and then it comes to these to verses and the writer stops and takes a breath and is so impressed by the way that Jabez prayed that he has to speak about it and make sure the reader knows that Jabez was honorable, and that God answered his prayers.  That's the premise of the book.

This is the painting that was commissioned for the cover art.  Beautiful huh?

It's been 4 years since I read it.  Bought it at a thrift store on a whim.  I guess it was turned into a series with Bible study journals and special editions just for women etc.  I'm not into that but I did give my copy to a friend to read.  She didn't like/get it.   Next time I see it at a thrift store, I'm going to buy it again.

Peaches, but no Herb

I'm just peachy.
This is what my kitchen looks like.  I did 2 batches of jam tonight and it didn't even make a dent in the first basket.
Tomorrow I think I'll bake pies and make homemade peach ice cream.
By the weekend, they will all be ripe enough to peel.  Ugh.

Thankful for God's Bounty.

Oh yeah, there's just any many plums!