Fast Food

I read a great blog today. 
I loved the idea. 
I don't want to steal it,  I'll just share it without tweeking it. 
Just go there and read it.

Really Cool Foods

There is a particular verse in the scriptures that I will never read the same way again.  Keith has forever given it meaning to me.  That's why I include it as a scripture that I own--a scripture that I've inherited from my very wise husband.  It is 2 Nephi 32:3
"...feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

Now,  let me just say, Keith is the food man.  It's his business.  He has to be sure things taste good and will sell in a national grocery chain store. New products.  Improved products.  Salads.  Ribs.  In fact, over the years, he's covered almost every category of  food.   He also knows a little about feasting.  He likes good food--cool food.  Tasting it.  Tweeking it.  Enjoying a meal.

Besides food, he has some other loves,  the scriptures being one of them.  He can see, as the bishop, that the youth haven't all fostered that love in their lives.  Last year for girls camp, he got sporks for all the girls and wrote the reference for the feasting scripture on them with a sharpie.  He talked to the girls about feasting on the word.  It was a great object lesson.  This year before general conference, he talked to one of his suppliers from work (Really Cool Foods) about getting him some notebooks with the name of their company printed on the front.  He gave all the youth a notebook and a pencil and told them to record some of the words of Christ they had feasted on while listening to the prophets speak.

Keith and I both love the scriptures.  We both love learning things we haven't seen before and listening to the kids read from the words of Christ.  I credit our reading the Book of Mormon together as the instrument that made it possible for Ian to become a good reader and actually like reading books himself.  Harry Potter didn't hurt either, but the blessing came through our obedience in reading scripture.  It changed Ian's life to be able to read better.

There really are cool things to feast on in the scriptures.  Sometimes we nibble.  Sometimes we snack.  We hope to get 3 squares a day.  But we also need to feast more often.

Correction, Extension, Explanation

I had some time today to be alone.  I wasted part of it--as usual.  On a normal day I would think that taking a long bath and reading was wasting the other part of it too, but I really needed time to read the scriptures and think for a while.  So I'm going to say that it was time well spent.  I was hoping to read something that really inspired me and gave me something new to write about, but what I got is something old that I've been ducking for about a month or more that seems to be a barrier to my pondering anything new.

In November I posted about being an instrument in God's hand in 76 Trombones and have been bothered by what I said ever since.  I really do want to be the shiny vessel, the loud, showy instrument, even the tool that's necessary for every project.  BUT,  that's the world's way.  That's the natural man--1 Cor. 2:14 says,    "But the natural man receiveth  not the things of the Spirit of God:  for they are foolishness unto him;  neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."  I don't want to be the natural man.

There are so many references I have seen since writing that post about how we don't want to have (or be) treasures that that can canker or rust.  That's part of the reason I haven't written this--because I need to find the verses, and I made no note of them.

There are also many references to being the clay in the potter's hand and letting him mold you and be what He wants you to be.  I even started reading a book called I am the Clay by Chaim Potok which I have had on the shelf for years and thought I had read, but haven't.  I thought since all his books have religious overtones that it must be related, but I've been substituting sudoku for my nightly reading lately, so I don't know yet.

Today I read in  Doctrine and Covenants 1 about the "weak things of the world" and   the "gospel might be proclaimed by the weak and the simple" and again had the same feeling about how wrong it is to want to be something other than just that.  I love the story in the Book of Mormon about Alma wanting to be able to have the voice of an angel so he could shake the earth and make everyone listen when he spoke and then realizing that his wish was actually sinful and that he need to be happy with the blessings and strengths he did have and use them the best he could.  It's a great lesson for dummies like me who can't see the eternal nature of things. 

I think it's really hard in this world of power and prestige, where all facets of success are measured and lauded--right down to the Christmas letters that are meant to send the message that "my family is better than yours,"  to not get caught up in wanting to be recognized for something.  Let's face it,  I'm not going to get Mother of the Year any time soon and what else am I?  I guess, at least it's good that it's God that I want to be rewarded by, but,  I sin in my wish.  The scripture says that some vessels bring honor, whether they are are made out of earth or not.  I should be able to see and know that I am unique to God whether I am recognized  for it or not.

This may be one of those posts that only the writer can understand--I've read those kind occasionally, but one point I do want to make clear is that I certainly don't want some position or calling of any prominence.  That's not it at all.  And I think may be I'm cured of wanting to be shiny and desired.   After all, those who don't decide humility is good, find themselves being compelled to be humble.

Rough draft--very rough, but I haven't really been posting much at all lately and want to get going again.  So, this will have to do.

Note to Self

Next time I get all bent out of shape that nobody remembers I'm struggling, I can just think about this morning when I talked to my own mom and forgot to ask how she was doing.  Today is my brother Stan's 54th birthday.  My mom has dealt with 39 of them since he's been gone.  I wonder if she has ever said,  "One year closer to seeing him again"?

I'm his own sister and I forget.  I should probably cut people some slack.  I can't even post a photo of him here because I only have a couple and I don't know where they are.  I wish I could remember more about him--anything really.  I don't have any memories of him.  None.  I hope Mikey remembers Ian, heck, even Lucy--I don't remember much of being 10 or 13.  I think Lu'll do pretty well.

I wonder what birthdays mean on the other side of the veil.  Probably nothing.  They are probably like the day we leave home to go to college or a mission or whatever.  We remember the general time, but the actual date, not so much.  Maybe they celebrate homecoming dates on the other side.  Maybe they sing welcome home, just like in the Michael W. Smith song that I love.

I should be writing about the lovely Christmas we had--we did, but instead I want to record the dream I woke up to this morning.  We were in Morgan at the grocery store and we had 2 cars.  I threw one set of keys to Ian and told him to drive the truck home (I guess just to my parents).  Well, he was thrilled, jumped in and TORE out of the parking lot with me waving my arms and screaming--as I realized that we never got a chance to teach him to drive.  It was great.  I've been thinking for days about the rituals we won't get to share with him like graduations and mission and wedding and babies.  Maybe my subconscious just couldn't stand it and had to  create a ritual for me.

I miss my son today.  I can picture my mom missing hers--she'd probably have great-grandchildren by now.  That's a lot of rituals.

Together for Christmas

Happy Christmas to all,
And to all a good night.

My niece Abi and by nephew Kenyon decided to wear their Ian's Team T-shirts tonight.  Lucy and Mike put theirs on too.  They included him in the Imaginiff board game (which I highly recommend), and they are watching a batman movie as I go to bed.  They made him  be here as much as they could.

It's a good thing.

Maybe Tomorrow will be Better

Not a good day today.

I'm just not okay enough to be happy for others whose families are all together and they are so excited to see each other and have a warm, happy holiday.  Does that make me a rotten person?  Yeah,  I think it does.  I shouldn't be surprised to be under water,  that's how I felt for Thanksgiving too.  I looked at some things at the mall today that reminded me of Ian.  Lucy asked why I torture myself.  Boy, did she get an earful.  All I have of Ian right now are the things that remind me of him.

This is what I want for Christmas--Ian, here in my arms!

Book Review

We have over 40 Christmas books now.  I buy at least one new one ever year--usually at a used book store for between fifty cents and 3 or 4 dollars.  In my humble opinion, this is the  best Christmas book there is.  It beats A Christmas Carol and The Christmas Box and Gift of the Magi and all the others. 

It's a simple children's book with about 15 pages and it goes through all the wonderful things about Christmas--everything everybody likes,  but at the bottom of each page, it says,  "but that's not the best thing about Christmas."  Of course the last few pages tell the Christmas story about Christ's birth, with details of shepherds and angels.  The last page says,  "Yes, I like everything about Christmas.  But I think the BEST thing is...Jesus came for ME!

Christmas is personal.  It's individual.  It's on the inside.  No matter how the world distorts it,  He came for me.